Overnight Sensation

health.howstuffworks.com

health.howstuffworks.com

 

One of the things that I’ve dreaded as Clyde ages are the things that his body will do – that he won’t understand – and I can’t really explain.

He’s 12.

At his last two check ups the doctor warned me …. puberty is a ‘comin!

I’ve known that its coming because I can’t seem to keep the kid in shoes or pants.  He grows like he drinks Miracle Grow cocktails when no one is looking.

What I forgot? or didn’t expect? or refused to acknowledge? is that when it comes it comes fast – there is no retreat and apparently there is no preparation.

The kid has a couple of pubes maybe 10. No big deal right?  I figure as long as its not a forest I am still ahead of the curve.

He’s got zero underarm hair.  I figure as long as there is no hair there I am am still ahead of the curve.

What the universe showed me is that the curve is well behind me and I’d better strap on my running shoes.

The kid and I went out with grandmom this morning to take care of some business.  It’s July in Philly and all of 7,000 degrees.  I was just bragging to a friend this morning that thankfully Clyde is not at the stage of development where his body is generating odor.

While I was holding the kid on my lap and the vice president of the organization was explaining the documents I caught whiff of the most disgusting smell I could imagine.

I looked at mom and thought did she go in her diaper? But nope the smell was closer.

I looked at my shirt and wondered I did pull this out of the clean clothes basket right? Yes. I had to unfold it so the smell was not me….plus it was further away.

I looked at the love of my life – my Clyde – leaned in for a kiss and found the source of the scent.

I was unable to really let my head process what was happening so I leaned in again.  What the hell had the child stepped in to create that odor?

Sure he’d taken a walk with his auntie while I got his grandmom settled but she wouldn’t let him roll around in week old greens… and besides we were the only Black people in a 6 mile radius? Where would we find week old greens?

click

click

click

I leaned in one last time, and aimed straight for the underarm… and almost passed out.

It was my baby. Smelling like LeBron James after game 7 before he hit the shower.

Now the interesting thing is yesterday there was no such odor under the kid’s arms.  None. He smelled like the freshest summer rain and candy rainbows.

He got in the tub this morning there was no such odor.

By 11 am the stench was present. What we have here folks is a bona fide overnight sensation.

what the fuck?

My fantasy island is over…this kid is well he is no longer a kid.

For dinner tonight he ate 5 chicken wings a half a pot of rice and 2 scoops of spinach.

If you know Clyde you know green is his least favorite color. He ate the spinach though. I guess stinking to high heaven works up an appetite.

Aphrodite Brown

 

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.

This entry was posted in Bonnie and Clyde. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Overnight Sensation

  1. No worries Aphrodite, my son is 8 and he gets a little ripe after his fencing practice. I wonder sometimes if the smell is more offensive to mothers than fathers, because while he will stink and I’ll make him take a proper shower or threaten him with Brillo pads. His mother will recoil as if a homeless NYC taxi driver just walked in the room.

    • Aphrodite Brown says:

      I think John its a combination of how did something I created – create THAT smell, plus the odor of our children is biologically offensive to us. Its nature’s way to make sure the gene pool doesn’t get too small we are literally repulsed in a fashion by the scent of our close biological relatives.

Aphrodite Wants to Know...