Ask Aphrodite – Homie // Lover // Friend ??

 I recently ended a 2 year relationship and now my best friend has replaced me with my ex!!!!

 

My boyfriend and I were together 2 years and the break up was kind of friendly. My best friend and I have known one another for 17 years, since 4th grade. Since the break up my best friend and my ex are close, closer even than when he and I were dating. They talk on the phone and go out to eat, and while she says there is nothing else going on, its like I’ve been replaced in HER life by HIM! 

Before he and I started dating I thought that she would be a good match for him, and while he and I were together I never got the feeling that they were cheating or creeping. Now that he and I are not together though it seems like they find each other so much more interesting and she is certainly doing things with him that we used to do together. 

I’m hurt that my friend is so close with him, and I am sad that he seems to be getting over me with someone I’ve called sister. I’m hurt that she is so comfortable spending time with him and doesn’t seem to care about my feelings. 

What do I do? How do I get my best friend away from my ex?

Signed, Hurt and Confused 

So…… there is a LOT going on here.

  • You tried to hook your best friend up with a guy but ended up dating him yourself
  • You now want to break up their friendship because you think she is being disloyal
  • You have some lingering … something for the guy you broke up with

Your best friend and your ex are adults.  They are going to do what adults do, live.  That might end up them living with each other as intimate partners, that might mean them living as friends, that might mean them living apart and without contact, but you don’t have the right to determine for THEM how they live.

When you met your ex, you thought that the two of them would be a good couple.  What led to that conclusion hasn’t changed.  What has changed is that somewhere along the path to picking a man for your best friend you decided you wanted him, and well now you don’t. Kind of.

You don’t want him but you don’t want her to have him, even though she’s told you that they are not currently together.

It’s time you got over yourself.  

If you are sincere that you don’t want this man back, who he spends his time with, or dates even is NOT your business.  It would not even matter if it were your mother, your ability to have input into who he spends his time with ended when the relationship ended.  Now certainly there are women out there who think once you’ve dated one of my friends you are off limits, but that is frankly an unrealistic vizion.

You should not interfere in the happiness of anyone else, and that would include who your ex spends time with or dates, up to and including your best friend.  If they have a positive friendship, or if they start dating, or they commit to each other further, your resentment of their happiness is a harm to YOU.

You are bringing negative energy into YOUR life, by resenting or blocking their happiness.

What do you do?  You stop pouting and suck it up buttercup.  As long as you are spending your time watching them do happy things you are not going out and doing happy things on your own.  If you want to spend more time with your best friend tell her.  Don’t tell her because you think if you monopolize her time that she can’t then spend it with him, tell her because it is what you would do anyway.

If you are stuck on jealousy and can’t get past the fact that your best friend, who was ALSO your ex’s friend, is not willing to burn that bridge for your benefit, you might need to step away for a few until you get YOUR mind right.

Those two are doing nothing wrong, and if their friendship blossoms into something more just remember that you predicted it… 2 years ago…before you decided that you wanted him for yourself.

Aphrodite

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.

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4 Responses to Ask Aphrodite – Homie // Lover // Friend ??

  1. cindy says:

    Here is what I would do. Arrange some mango slices on a plate. Go stand seductively where they are conversing. Be “come hitherish” with them. Talk nicely to them….”yoo-hoo! look what I’ve GOT for yoouu”! lol i can’t do this.

  2. La says:

    Great advise.
    Being the libra that i am i understand both points of view. Its difficult to be intimate with a man, break up, and he is now with your best friend. However, as stated, “hurt and confused” initially wanted best friend and ex boyfriend together and H&C decided to keep the man for herself. Allow them to be happy either with or without your blessing.

    • Aphrodite Brown says:

      No one wants to be reminded of what you lost, but its unreasonable and selfish to put up a “block” on someone that you no longer want. Everyone should be able to pursue their own happiness.

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