My Pussy Doesn’t Stink

That is not something that I should have to put out there into the universe, it is something that should be obvious.   Yet, Jessica Canseco didn’t get the memo.

America meet the Hollywood Exes.

VH1 has dug deep to bring you this time women that are actually almost famous, but they made sure the verifiable famous partner put a ring in it, they were all spouses.

We’ve upgraded from the baby momma jump off party called Basketball Wives, and we’ve elevated above the Love and Hip Hop spin off featuring Rhianna-man and Lil Scrappy.

 

Hello… good morning to the 5 women married to famous men, divorced for decades in some cases, and on your big screen television.

VH1 and Shed Media have done it again….kind of… sort of.

Thus far only one ex has appeared on the show – Jose Canseco.  Thus far the show has been about the women and their lives now sooooo many years after the divorces.

Some like Nicole Murphy and Sheree Fletcher have moved along to other relationships that we hope are a better match than their first union.

Others like Mayte Garcia are still trying to find the right fit.

What hits you at once with the cast is that they don’t seem to be as ratchet and in need of an intervention as the Basketball Wives or the Love and Hip Hop concubines. They seem older, more confident, more refined, and settled into a life that they live instead of it living them.

You see the women with real lives and careers that existed not just because of the show.

All of this points to Hollywood Exes being a show that one can enjoy, use as escapism, and not be ashamed that it is in your DVR.

But wait!

Episode One has Nicole Murphy bearing witness to Jessica Canseco’s vaginal rejuvenation laser procedure.

I’m sorry what?

It’s some kind of something that involves a laser and a vagina and is supposed to make it look pretty.

For my money…first, I will not have you pointing a laser at my vagina.  I love my vagina,  I will not have a laser near my vagina unless it is to cure a disease.  My vagina is special, and I will not risk its specialness by putting it to a laser.

Second, if I lost my plum mind and did put a laser on my vagina, I will not be inviting Nicole Murphy to watch it. Unless Nicole is my intimate partner, she has no need to see my vagina, let alone be there for its re-birth.

Okay so that’s not THAT bad Nicole!

You are correct.

How about Andrea Kelly, ex-wife of R. Kelly?  No just how about it.  This woman married Robert Sylvester and was married to him in 2006 when video of him fucking a child got him indicted.  It’s the worst kept secret of R&B that Robert is a functional illiterate, it is not a secret that he is a pedophile.  I will not marry a pedophile.  I will not date a pedophile. I will certainly bear and birth the children of a pedophile. Yet, she did.

Okay….how about finding out that Prince is most likely a pedophile?

HUNH????

Mayte Garcia was but 16 when she met Prince Nelson who was 32.  There is talk that the two of them were not sexually intimate until she was 18, yet it is clear that he groomed this woman to be his from the moment they met.  Illegal?  Probably not, but certainly creepy to an extent most of us will not ever see.

Yeah… the more you know.

So back to the women, and their today.

The previews for the show tell us that there will be arguments, and that there is at least one drink tossed.  It didn’t appear to be tossed AT someone else but tossed it was.

I keep wanting to believe that I am looking at a better version of reality television, but I am not ready to make that proclamation.

It is the same formula: women associated with famous men rebuilding their lives after the end of the relationship.

Okay.

The series seems to show a closer sisterhood of the ex-wives than we’ve seen on the jump off show, perhaps it is because they all share the pain of having a divorce lawyer?? You witness Andrea and Mayte sharing scary similar stories.  Teens when they met their musical superstars as dancers. The only thing surprising about that is that Robert showed a sexual interest in a 19 year old.

The dinner that closes out the first episode has Will Smith’s ex wife sharing that they were exceptional women to marry men that could have had anybody and chose them.

Okay.

Look I am not about to say that these women should not eat, I can’t very well tell them how to pay their mortgage while I am figuring out how to pay my own.  I just want to say….

I could have gone the rest of my life without watching a vaginal rejuvenation.

And my pussy doesn’t stink.

Yes that.  There was an exchange between Jessica and the other women.  Apparently Jessica “heard” that Black men don’t go down on Black women because our vaginas smell bad.

I tried to climb through my television to strangle her forgetting for a moment that the show is previously taped.

I suppose though even that is an upgrade from a barefoot Evelyn running across a table to pretend that she was going to hit somebody.

 

I guess.

 

 

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.

This entry was posted in Pop Life. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to My Pussy Doesn’t Stink

  1. Brittany says:

    The comment about Black women’s vaginas offended me too. I’m tired of everyone making sweeping generalizations about Black women. R. Kelly’s wife didn’t say anything & laughed along with the rest of the women.

Leave a Reply to Brittany Cancel reply