As I discussed the idea behind this particular blog with someone, they were kind enough to remind me that I am not like most women. I almost agree with that sentiment.
I know that I operate from a place in my life that I do not have some of the sexual hangups that plague my peers, but I think that all of us have it in us, if we hope to obtain it.
I am fortunate that I met someone at a fairly young age that made me look outside of the sexual normal and encouraged my growth in a safe and comforting fashion. When you get to live a life where people don’t judge you…oh what a life you can live!
So what happens with this discussion is that we will take a peek at various methods of training a submissive and the benefits (or not) of those methods.
The human being is an animal, not a vegetable or mineral. Our natural instincts are over come more often than not by our ability to think critically and our opposing thumbs, yet we are still animals. The natural instinct to survive, to avoid pain exists within us, on levels that we often do not understand until placed in a position that those instincts are useful. Physical punishment is something that we use all of the time, on our dogs, on our children. It is to my chagrin quite effective.
If one understands that there is pain that they do not like as the consequence for a less preferred action, very quickly one will adjust behavior to avoid that pain.
The problem with physical pain, and physical punishment is that it makes me wonder if the recipient is responding because they have a unique desire to please, or because they fear the leather belt.
When dealing with your child, it might not make a lot of difference. One might look at those occasions as character building and preparing that child for the harsh life that the real world outside of the parental bubble.
When dealing with a consenting adult, engaged in a sexual relationship, and possible committed partnership, is that the response that is most desired?
An additional problem with physical punishment is that as time goes by, they simply have to become more intense. A pluck to the knuckles of a 15 month old touching something off limits is not going to have any effect on a 12 year old. If physical punishment must increase in intensity, how does that play into an adult relationship that might include sadomasochist play?
Can one truly be creative enough to create a punishment that will “hurt” a masochist enough to alter their behavior? Possibly. Maybe.
Pleasure in the extreme
This idea has been in the forefront of my mind for a little while now, how to use the orgasm and the desire for the orgasm to direct behavior. Use of the orgasm is not a new technique to change a less preferred behavior into something that is tolerated or enjoyed.
Go back to some of my earliest training on how to accept pain, and they were very closely tied to my orgasms. It was not long before I was changing my OUCH to OWWWWW. It allowed me to not fear certain implements, and it allowed me to learn to crave certain implements. That early training allowed me the freedom to let my inner masochist out for short walks around the block until I got to the point today where I will
admit, almost admit out loud that I crave pain.
When I look back to how I was first trained, and how I’ve trained others, the pleasure principle has been there all along.
It is positive reinforcement in the best of ways. As I discussed with my guru, positive reinforcement takes much more time, much more creativity, much more stamina. I don’t know that we are all built for that type of output. I know that there have been times when I’ve thought, fuck it, it’s easier to beat this man.
What prevented me from that course of action though was the idea that instead of getting a toy that wanted to be played with, I might get a toy afraid of not being played with.
The idea that the person that chooses me to inflict all that I have within me upon them is attractive. The idea that the person is simply enduring what I am doing because the alternative is worse is not attractive.
There is a saying among people in my circle of influence, you don’t have to do it with a smile you must simply do it. That idea is not uncommon in my lifestyle. There is often romantic speak of the submissive that does everything with a Coke and a smile, but sometimes the things asked of us are not smile worthy.
I haven’t asked those that have knelt before me to be joyous about what’s going down, in fact I have taken an almost criminal pleasure in watching their discomfort. I am almost as much sadist and I am masochist. I deliberately do things to make them uncomfortable, understanding that they will not always smile, it is my smile that they crave.
Breaking the girl is not as attractive.
One method, the one where their desire to please me is their motivation feeds my ego, and emboldens me to be the best I can be for them. The other where I pummel their will into non existence does not inspire me in the same fashion. It makes me ask the question how many times can I break this person, rather than what can I do for this person.
Orgasm control & denial for men, and forced orgasms for women (and denial in some cases) creates a vacuum in which your will can exist, if you know what you are doing. When I am teaching, it is my preferred method. Your mileage may vary. This is not to say that I NEVER use physical punishment. I personally find that the pleasure principle retains those who are the most attractive to me.
This one was going to be left out of this particular blog. It is something that I know well, and something that works better in my case than anything else, yet when I thought about this blog I didn’t think of it – at first.
I was talking with a friend about something else entirely, and we stumbled upon this topic and he mentioned it. I was reluctant to use it, because it just felt TOO personal to share. I found that I was forced to share it though because, it is an incredible teaching tool, and frankly for the invested couple it is the one that will retain a submissive mind better than anything else.
I don’t only serve because it makes me happy, I don’t only serve because it makes The Man happy. I serve in part because the idea of not being about to serve Him is not acceptable to me.
There have been times in our connection that I’ve faced difficulty in accepting some of the choices made for me. To this day I battle the me it takes to run my home, build my brand, and the me that exists to run shit, with the me that kneels.
Always being in control, always being alpha, except with Him is not an easy switch to flip. Until I remember that not flipping that switch means that I might have to give up this relationship. I am not willing to step away from my relationship, so I understand that I must behave in a certain manner.
It is the absence of the happiness that I have that keeps me the most focused. In previous relationships the most effective punishment if I stepped out of line would be the silent treatment, or the cancellation of our personal time together.
In those cases, the relationships were well established, and that is the difference for me at least. If I am only casually invested separation will not work, but if I have committed separation will work better and faster than anything else, sometimes even without you knowing that it is working.