When Impropriety Attacks

One of my kinks is that I am an exhibitionist.  Being on stage is something that works well for me, and even more so for my particular partner at the moment…I’ve been told that I give wonderful energy. 🙂

I came across a thing called “the dungeon” in 2008…maybe 2009.  I was single at the time, but I was seeking a relationship, a kinky relationship, and when you are looking for something you have to go to the places where you will find it.

My first visits to a dungeon was a place called the Black Phoenix when it existed here in Philadelphia.  It was a beautiful space, with tons of equipment and turns out lots of wonderful people.    Those first visits I stuck close to my Doggie, and was terrified of doing anything on location….even though the first time I saw the St Andrews Cross:



The familiar device that I’d previously only seen in my personal bedroom, I wanted to strip all of my clothes off, hop onto it, and stay there until someone beat me.

My prior BDSM experience came from my prior relationship.  I kind of knew that there were other kinky people in the world, I just didn’t necessarily understand that we had the ability to gather and kink it up in the manner that a dungeon allows.

I would eventually become a Black Phoenix member, and certified kinkster, but then I was just one of a handful of Black women in the place kind of dazed and confused.

My first public dungeon play didn’t happen in Philadelphia.  In fact almost ALL OF my public BDSM play has happened outside of my home city.  Part of it is opportunity: Philadelphia no longer has a semi private play location easily accessible.  Part of it is attraction: although people here in Philadelphia allegedly know me better, people in Philadelphia in general seem disinterested in playing with me. #kanyeshrug

My public BDSM cherry was popped at a public dungeon in Manhattan called Paddles.  It was a wonderful experience, with an attentive and intense partner.  We drew a crowd that night, and when I slowly came out of my subspace (a mental state of euphoria that comes from being on the receiving end of bottom or masochistic activity), I realized people were watching me!   It was a wrap after that!

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One of the things that I had to learn as I ventured into the pubic BDSM scene was the dungeon was not my bedroom.  The cleanliness aside there were things that I could do at home that I could not do in a dungeon.  Yes some of that is sex related but there is a way to exist in public play that those interested in doing it need to know about.  Some call it etiquette, some protocol, I call it common sense. Sadly though the human condition reminds you on a consistent basis that common sense is not common. So:

When you go to the dungeon or to a semi private play party: act like you have some motherfucking sense please.  I will elaborate based on some things that I witnessed last night while out at Paddles:


1. Dress the part.  Most locations have some type of dress code, and that is a good thing.  Yeah yeah yeah, miss me with the expression of personal taste etc etc etc. If you are planning to attend a party it makes sense to dress for the party.  In part so that those who might be interested in playing with you can identify which end of the spectrum you might sit on, but also because your ability to play will be inhibited in a tuxedo.  ::: blink :::

2.  Maintain a respectful distance.  Even if it is your first time at a location like this, there is little creepier than the invasion of personal space.  In Paddles the location kind of works that out for itself, Paddles is fairly small and standing too close to a scene will get you fucked up, but stand back stand back. The two (or more) people involved in a scene are exchanging energy and making a connection.  Unless you’ve been invited into that connection do not insert yourself into that connection. Its beyond rude, and again, can get you on the business end of a single tail, and that is not consent.

3.  Clean the equipment.  This comes from a self described germ – o – phobe, but you still have to clean the equipment.  Think of it kind of like you are at the gym about to hop on the treadmill, but the person on it right before you sweat profusely. Now look at that spanking bench. In many public dungeons sex and sex like activity is off limits, that doesn’t mean that there are not things like drool, and sweat, accidental ‘spillage’ that needs to be accounted for, and that is why you clean the equipment. It’s just proper, its just sanitary, just do it.

4.   Your actions are being watched. One of the situations I witnessed last night that pained me was seeing a kinkster that was severely intoxicated. I don’t mean someone who was just a little bit tipsy, I mean someone who was high beyond what a reasonable person could consider acceptable.  For a multitude of reasons many dungeons do not sell alcohol, one of those reasons is that can impair you.  One person last night was severely impaired and it was almost painful to watch.  The person last night was barely conscious.  She would have been unable to defend herself if assaulted, unable to drive to get back to her home or hotel. Fuck, sitting still and awake, and being able to form a complete sentence with a noun and a verb would not have been possible.  For so many reasons this was wrong…so many reasons.  The most wrong about it though was that it was unsafe.  So many fucking things can go wrong at any moment in a regular interaction.  When you add things like violet wands, breath play, knives, or any of the other kinky attractions that draw the crowd to this thing that we do, it is a prescription for bad things to happen and you to be a story on the nightly news.

Safety must always come first.

Safety must always come first.

Safety must always come first.

Being high beyond the point of being able to tell a person your name is not safe.





About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.

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3 Responses to When Impropriety Attacks

  1. Pingback: Vizionz from the Bottom

  2. admin says:

    Thank you for stopping by! I appreciate all of my readers and I am thankful that you thought this was helpful. I hope you are enjoying your journey

  3. innocence says:

    Thank you for this. I am new-ish and it was great to read some straightforward tips!

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