One of the things that I love about my time with the mentee is that I get to toss about things that I would usually ignore.
As you know I’ve been having issues reconciling my need to lose weight, with my distaste for a thinner me, with the overall healthy lifestyle I’ve been seeing on a regular basis. We aren’t going steady, and we aren’t yet exclusive but me and healthy are having some heavy petting sessions.
The biggest problem I’ve had while trying to flesh out this weight loss/lifestyle thing is that the people that I’ve talked to don’t agree with me. They think I am kind of crazy for wanting to be fat, and they pretty much want me to get over my angst. The Man is essentially useless…although he quietly applauds some of my new found Pilates/Yoga flexibility, my weight is only a concern to him if it brings health issues. Since my health is back on track, he doesn’t give two fucks if my weight goes up or down.
The mentee though will do shit like ask questions that I would never think about to add into my thought process.
Like most women, and most Black women, she’s struggled with her weight. It is a story that we all know in some fashion. She’s currently at one of her thinner moments, and is stressing that “swim suit” season is coming. While we talked about body image, she asked me something and I found myself oddly with an answer.
“Why is it when I am thin like this that I get the least amount of attention from men?”
We talked about the percentage of men that have a fetish for large women. We talked about the percentage of men that looked at large women as so called low lying fruit…easier than a thinner more beautiful woman to get close to for what ever reason.
That left a large segment of the male population that was still not trying to holla @ a sister.
So why were these unaccounted for men looking but not stepping?
As we bounced ideas off one another, the one thing that stood out was attitude.
I am pretty confident in my body, and I love it. I don’t think that it is perfect, and like most women there are parts that make me less than comfortable, but I love my body and there is almost nothing that I would change about it. That is reflected in my attitude, I carry myself like a woman that is comfortable with herself, and well confidence is sexy.
The mentee is not as comfortable in her own skin and its reflected the most when she is at her thinnest.
When she’s dieting she’s hungry. She’s cranky because she is denying her body needed nutrients and that is reflected in her attitude.
When she’s losing weight she’s insecure, her weight loss attempts over the years have not been about being healthy they’ve been about being more physically attractive. When you invest your happiness on someone else’s approval that is reflected in your attitude.
When she’s thinner her ass is smaller – her breasts are smaller. There is less of the physical traits that a man may look for at first sight.
She thought that I was crazy, and fuck even I thought that I was crazy for a minute until we dug a little deeper into the things that we’ve witnessed since we’ve known one another.
We looked at a mutual associate that’s had weight loss surgery. She’s about 3 years out and she’s been maintaining her weight for some time now. She’s not been on a date in almost 2 years. She’s frustrated that now that her body is small, and her muscles are defined, and she looks the way that society thinks she should look the society she tried to enter is not embracing her.
So I told the mentee, we’ve known _____ for how long? Has she gotten happier in the past 3 years or has she gotten miserable in the last 3 years?
This one person has health issues related to the surgery, and that plays a factor in her persona, but it is the persistent rejection of the society she wanted to join that makes her the most bitter.
So I asked the mentee, if you were a man would you be more attracted to happy ______ or _____ today with her attitude?
I guess you have a point.
Sometimes I do.