I wasn’t sure that I would write a Valentine’s Day blog. It seemed unnecessary. It still kind of does, ya’ll don’t listen to me anyhow I’m talking to myself 🙂
Last year I wrote about submissive women keeping themselves safe.
This year I am going to tackle a topic a little more inclusive : Your Body
I love your body…how about you?
I know if you are a woman reading this many of you don’t. I know because I also have a vagina, and the insecurity that comes with…its not simple.
I love your body though.
Thin, fat, super fat, one legged, flat ass, FFF titties, cleft chin, club foot, athlete’s foot, bald, Crystal Gale weave, ashy, oily, pierced, tatted up
I love your body.
Now that doesn’t mean that I am attracted to every woman that I meet, but I love your body.
As I struggle to accept the body that I HAVE to have for health reasons, I find that I am hyper sensitive to body image issues right now.
It’s always been on my mind of course, I am a Black woman that’s been overweight for most of her life. If it isn’t skin color it is waist size.
Historically I’ve been one of those I love my body fuck you if you don’t. Think Aretha Franklin onstage in a strapless dress saggy arms blowing in the breeze.
I started out in my preteen and high school years wanting to be something else, but eventually I began to love my own body. Literally and figuratively.
Right now, as I fight to now hate myself for losing this weight, I am so much more aware of ANYTHING that has to do with body image.
I find myself faster to encourage a woman that I know is struggling with a body part (or three). I find myself faster to call people out when they are contributing to the types of behaviors that hurt rather than help women who are struggling.
The main two culprits that I find myself doing battle with are men online who are lightening quick to post a picture of a woman that is not the prototype and make fun of her.
The well meaning yet forgetful woman.
I ran into one of them this morning and it took all of my strength to not explode. I got so angry so quickly for a fight that was not 100% mine, but I felt so passionate about it.
I wanted to just get into her face and SCREAM! 2 years ago bitch you weren’t thin! How dare you go in on women who are now YOUR SIZE about why they do or don’t work out. It was a comment she made in passing that just flipped the switch in my mind to red.
For so long I watched this woman struggle with her own issues about her size. At 308 pounds she was convinced that it was her weight that kept her single. She had a traditional gastric bypass, has lost over 100 pounds…and is even more miserable.
I told her that her issues went beyond the scale and encouraged her to start therapy before the surgery. Obesity is a curious thing, if you are an emotional eater? The pouch can’t be made small enough for you to no longer be an emotional eater. Her weight was not her problem she was.
She wears a size 10 now, and as we looked at a girl who was about a size 6 but she had a pooch tummy she went in on this child. How dare this skinny woman not workout and have washboard abs.
I asked her if that was her or the loose skin talking? She wasn’t happy, but I had to remind her, that not everyone has the DESIRE to to work out. Some people who are healthy don’t feel the need to kill themselves in the gym every day, and weigh themselves everyday. If they don’t have health issues? Leave them the fuck alone.
She ranted about how hard it was for her, that she had to go through the surgery, and the complications from the surgery, and the second surgery, and she is at least a year away from being able to get the first of what will be 3 skin removal surgeries. She asked how could this thin woman not want to be different. I told her – maybe she just loves her body.
This has been an issue with my friend and I for some time now. I think it will continue to be an issue because at the end of the day? She doesn’t love her body. She didn’t love it fat, she doesn’t love it now. She hates it even MORE now with the loose skin and smaller breasts. What she hoped would happen didn’t.
She is part of why I stay on the soapbox so much trying to explain that its not about anyone else but YOU. It’s not your wallet, or your shoe size, or your dress size that defines you….YOU define you.
When you love your body you don’t have to take shots at other people because you are angry that it is not you. If it was you …. with this anger and sadness that envelopes you? It won’t make a difference.
Take 30 minutes a week and look at yourself.
Look at your eyes and see how clear they are. How they dance in the sunlight.
Look at your knees. Count the hairs on them (if you have hair).
Look at your collar bone. It doesn’t matter how big you are, it is there. Look at it. If it is standing out or muted by skin and fat look at it. Study the curves and contours.
Look at your belly button. Understand that it is like a fingerprint there are no 2 alike. This one is yours and no one else can have it.
Are you perfect? Yes you are. Are you beautiful? Yes you are. Are you worthy? Yes you are.
I love your body, do you?