If you are a political junkie such as the author, or you are a member of the media last nights 2012 Iowa caucus was pretty much a wet dream.
It doesn’t get much better than watching who everyone assumes will be the Republican Nominee for President of the United States, Mitt Romney, beat a man who wasn’t even polling high enough to make the next debate, Rick Santorum, by EIGHT VOTES.
Democracy at its finest.
If you’ve visited her with any frequency you realize that I am not Barak Obama’s biggest fan. What gets lost when people realize that I do not especially like Obama, is that I am rooting for him to win this year.
The biggest obstacle that Obama had to overcome for me was his lack of experience. Like it or not, he’s been doing the job for almost 4 years now, lack of experience is not a factor.
But back to Mitt & Rick.
Iowa is a funny bird. They like voting for who ever the fuck they want to vote for, and fuck the rest of the nation and the thought of being electable. They voted for Mike Huckabee a few years back, a man who had zero chances to win the nomination.
Apparently though this year, the anyone BUT Mitt train forgot to stop to 9 people in Iowa.
Iowa loves her some evangelicals, and those who press the flesh. Iowa apparently is the one location in the United States where this is on Google apparently.
Google Santorum. It’s fine. I will wait while you open a new window.
I suggest you not be drinking right now though.
In case you are reading this in Iowa though I will share:
From the website spreading Santorum dot com: Santorum 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex
Rick Santorum will not be President for that one entry on Google, note to self do not ever piss off Dan Savage.
I kind of like Rick though.
I joked that if Herman Cain made it out of Iowa I would volunteer for his campaign. Herm stopped cooking and didn’t make it, but lookee here! I got another horse to hitch my wagon to!
You see, because I am interested in the re-election of Barak Obama, I want the craziest, and least electable candidate to get the Republican nomination. I thought that it would be Herm, alas it was not. 9 9 9
In all honesty I really wanted Michele Bachman, but that magazine cover killed it for her.
I thought then I could hitch my wagon to Ron Paul, but Ron Paul between his moments of insanity on occasion makes sense.
Rick Perry was automatically disqualified because of his good ol boy Texas charm and swag. Been there – done that – it was beyond ugly and it’s why this nation is as fucked up as it is.
There is some guy who look like Dana Carvey running but they won’t even let him on the debate stage anymore.
Why not Newt Nicole? Well because Newt is going to keep shooting himself in the foot until he gets kicked out the race. He doesn’t really want to be President, and frankly he’s far too entertaining with his myriad of responses to questions from the press. He looks and sounds like just before they put the mic to his mouth that he took an extra long drag on the bong.
That leaves me with Huntsman, who no one but his spouse is paying any attention to, Santorum, and Romney.
Huntsman is someone who is quite conservative on paper, but sinned by allowing Obama to hire him. Non factor.
So that leaves me with Romney, who is just moderate enough to appeal to the masses, and Santorum who thinks that homosexual sex is the gateway to beastiality, and that he has dominion over my uterus.
I want Rick.
I don’t think that Rick can win…again…Google. What I do think though is that as long as Santorum remains active and relevant, the harder to the right Romney will have to turn. The further to the right Romney must go to win his nomination the harder it becomes to get back to the middle come November.
I have to excuse myself now, I am going to check the sofa cushions for change that I can send to the Santorum campaign.
I’ve got a video for you though: