Meet – An – Inmate – Dot – Com

I am often disturbed at the lengths that women will go to when they decide their biological clock is ticking, or that they can simply no longer be single.

It disturbs me to the point of pain usually.  There is something about being single that brings out the desperation in women that I never want to see…never.

I ran across something lately that disturbs  me even more.  If this website remains, and remains up, and people keep using it, well my disturbia about single women lying to themselves will be displaced by my disturbia that :

exists in the real world.

I was positive that it was a joke page…like the christian porn page:

I thought that someone made a funny and I would get a laugh.

If someone did make a funny….I am no longer laughing.  This fucking website appears to be the real deal.  Now mind you I am not going to dig any further into the site.  On a level I am convinced that it is run by Nigerian princes that are running from the revolution and need my bank account to hide their fortunes and are willing to pay me a small fee for my assistance and my bank account number.  But I did poke around the site and was disturbed by what I saw.

First – The site says that it’s been serving inmates since 1998.  I’ve only been locked up once, and that was only overnight, and I spent most of it in a bit of a fog, but I  was not aware that inmates needed servicing.  Sure I’ve heard tales of women who write to men in prison, but this is taking the pen pal thing to a whole other level.
I thought that the purpose of prison was that the person was convicted of a crime and they had be punished, servicing does not seem to be be punishment to me.  Then again….what the fuck do I know about anything?

Second –  is there internet in prison?  Like do they get their own laptop and wireless mouse to set up these profiles?  I would imagine if there are prisons with internet for the inmates that a site like this would be blocked no?  I mean they aren’t updating their Facebook pages from cell block 8, are they allowed to meet a mate?

Anyway….let’s look at the home page shall we?

It is a basic home page, not completely generic, but it will not win any web awards for creativity either.  There are two columns, one on the left, the other the right, that list male inmates and female inmates by age.

There is a section of the website that teaches how to write a  letter to an inmate:

Your Male and female prison pen pals do not have access to a computer or the Internet so all  correspondence will be through the U.S. Mail. (so apparently there is no internet in prison, yet they are able to create profiles, I have confusion)   Write to all of the ones that appeal to you. That way you don’t take the chance of missing out on any one of them. (Right, because like Dwight Howard they are eligible bachelors and bachelorettes)
Your first letter should always present a general description of yourself. This would include your age, your height, your weight, your hair color, eye color your complexion and any other details that you care to describe. It is recommended that you mention your occupation or the kind of work you do. (and this is very important – when they get out it is important that you be able to support the two of you)  The inmates are always interested in your family and your special interests or hobbies.  We do not recommend giving out your phone number, especially on the first letter as the only method they can call is collect.  The collect calls from prison are usually at a very high rate.  A lot of people prefer to use a post office box when communicating with inmates.
It is important that you personalize each letter that you compose for each individual.  It is very easy to discover if a person is sending out numerous letters to the inmates using a duplicated letter and changing only the name of the inmate. This is not a sincere effort and will not produce the desired results that you would hope for. It is also highly recommended that you prepare your letters on a computer or by using a typewriter. (Since we all have typewriters in 2011) This makes it much easier for the ladies to read your letters. If you have a very neat and presentable penmanship then handwriting would be more personal. You will have to be the judge of which method you want to use. If the inmates were given a choice of how their letters were written they would usually choose the more personal handwriting method.
It is suggested (but not required) you include at least two photographs in your first letter. One photo should be a close up view of your upper body and face. Try to pose a friendly and pleasant smile. The second photo should show the full body pose. (The site doesn’t suggest it be in a bikini, or speedo, but it also does not suggest that you don’t pose in swimwear)  It is always a good idea to pose with a pet in your photo if you have one. (this way they know if they have to mace the german shepard or not)  Another option would be a photo of yourself while doing one of your favorite pastimes.
When I was able to slow my laughter I began to peruse the actual profiles.
What I found the MOST interesting was that so many of the pictures of the inmates were pictures of them outside of prison.  Apparently prison life includes a photo shoot and internet.  I am beginning to think that I should have paid more  attention during my 12 hours or so in the clink.

So let’s look at Anthony, 28, incarcerated in Illinois.  His photos include one that might have been taken while in the clink, but the others look as if they were taken his senior year of high school about 10 years prior.  Anthony’s release date is March of 2024.  That would be about 12 years from now.  Anthony is looking for: “I would love to meet that woman who will be the friend I need. Honesty and consistency are qualities I’m looking for in a special friend because those are some key qualities that I bring to the table.”  If you know where Anthony will be for the next 12 years, I would agree that consistency is a quality that he brings to the table. Anthony can be found at
Let’s take a look at a female inmate, Carrie.  Carrie worked at Bi-Mart before her incarceration and her release date is December 2029.  She is looking for pen pals that will write about things other than just sex.  Carrie can be found at
So many things disturb me about meet an inmate that I scarcely know exactly where to begin.
Perhaps it is a good thing that the world is ending in December….if this is what the world of dating and looking for a partner is reduced to these days.
If it comes to waiting until 2029 to meet someone you’ve exchanged letters with…maybe a relationship is not something that you should be looking for.

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
This entry was posted in Pop Life. Bookmark the permalink.