The Gift That Keeps On Giving….Or So I’ve Been Told

There is always something in my head to write about…I just don’t always do it because it may appear illogical to reader.  The process of my mind is a little strange at times….like Sailor said to Lula:  The way your mind works is god’s own private mystery.  (if you know those characters we are kindred spirits constant reader)

What has remained on my mind the past few days is the attempt to explain the relationship, without talking about the relationship, yet educating people about the relationship, and respecting the relationship.  I know it seems busy and it is, but then again the brain is always busy.

When I say relationship I don’t mean The Man and myself, although we fit into the definition of relationship.  I mean this big old world that I find myself swimming through called BDSM.

If you have been here since the beginning (just about this time last year in fact) you know that this blog started out as a how to manual – or a how not to manual.  I was convinced that I was savvy enough to convey the complexity of the variations if this lifestyle, in a manner that anyone could understand, and that we would all live one happy kinky life flogging one another and saying yes sir.

That did not quite work out now did it?

I think that the overall blog is better, more rounded, and more reflective of me than what my first intentions were.  I am certainly more than my kink.  I also think that I was quite full of myself at the moment that I even considered that I was going to be able to kink the world.


I’ve not been as active on Fetlife as I used to be, time, school, and life has changed my ‘viewing’ habits and that is not such a bad thing.  What I’ve learned is that while there are aspects of Fet that are still attractive, I no longer need it in the manner that I used to.  I enjoy the connections that I’ve made over time, but the theoretical conversations I can live without.

On occasion I still contribute, I get a little frustrated though when I think that no one is listening 🙂

The conversations I’ve seen over the past few weeks have been about the nature of our relationships, and what works (or does not work).  Nothing new of course, but I find myself bothered when looking at different vizionz of this thing that we do, and what seems to be a disconnect about ‘my’ method of finding happiness.

One of the most frustrating things about Fetlife over the years for me has been the concept that there are two different types of D/M/s relationships. Ones where there is love and affection and all of the ‘traditional’ concepts of relationships that we’ve seen over the years, and ones where there is simply lifestyle D/M/s and the ‘traditional’ is out of the window.

I simply can not agree that love does not exist in our relationships.  Even in those connections that are not romantic in nature, love exists.  Affection exists.  Attraction exists.

There seems to be some sort of aversion to admitting that love and attraction and affection exists because it will somehow corrupt not enhance the relationship.

It pains me to watch that – to hear that – and to see that.

Love is so essential to relationships, and in these kinds of relationships that I have such a hard time understanding why those of us in the life are so resistant to the concept of it.

I have to wonder aloud why the hatred towards love?

It seems to be such a dysfunction, yet is it such a major part of this lifestyle that it would make it a group dysfunction, contagious.

I don’t want to be a part of a community that has a group dysfunction infection.

Then there are the people that I spend the most time around, who remind me that my views on this thing that we do are not unusual.  They are not abnormal, and I am not all that different or strange.  Now perhaps we all are the dysfunction and we are the ones who see this life in the ‘wrong’ way.

The thing is…the people that I hang around are happier than those that I see that are resistant to the idea of love.

What is it about love that makes us run away from it, when it really truly seems to be what we are looking for … on a level?

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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