I’ve learned some lessons in the past year….laws yes I have.
So I was at Fetlife earlier today and there was a thread that caught my eye. The thing about Fet or at least the length of time that I’ve been there….I’ve heard it all before.
The topics while they are relevant – kind of – at this point in my development mean little to me. Like the topic I responded to…..but wait if you don’t care Nicole why did you respond?
I said what I said and what I will be repeating here in the hopes that some woman some where will read it … the lightbulb will go off ….and there will be one less person suffering. Big goals I know yet I do it anyhow.
The discussion was what little extra thing is it that you do/did to catch the eye of the person that you want.
I’ve competed in sports, I’ve competed for grades. I’ve been in the running for awards, and won a few. For a man I do not compete. Not even for The Man.
Its going to sound like me popping my collar…but ummmmm I have no competition.
I’ve never had to compete for attention or affection. I’ve been interested in men (and women) that were highly sought after. I’ve had occasion where associates and I were in the same circle and had an interest in the same person. I’ve had a where a person I called friend lied to me about the nature of her relationship with someone that I was involved with, but I’ve never been in competition.
I am not such a shrinking violet that I can’t say…I like how your ass looks in those jeans, or I like how your mind works. That aside, I’ve never been in competition.
I’ve had a crazy ex seek out everyone that she knew I’d slept with to sleep with them also and then play the comparison game. I’ve never been in competition though. I will not compete for a man.
That doesn’t mean I won’t work my ass off to make The Man happy healthy and satisfied, but for him even I do not compete. Well I don’t compete with other women…..his job is a whole other thing.
I find it quite silly that women put themselves in the position that they would CHOOSE to compete with other women. Seeing something that you like doesn’t mean that it is healthy for you, or that it is something that you should have. Seeing that something you like making goo goo eyes at another woman should not create competition.
Competition is stupid quite honestly.
The woman who started the thread spoke of how she put the little extra in her game to attract the one she is with. She then asked what little extra do the rest of us do, to make it happen. My response was essentially not one damned thing.
That doesn’t mean I don’t do things like bathe and comb my hair and put on clean clothing. What it means is I don’t do anything besides be myself, and in every case that applies, in the words of Renee Graziano: “I Win Bitch!”
I’ve not once had to make someone desire me….I am already desired. There is a man who I haven’t seen in a decade that still tells me he should have married me instead of the woman he did marry.
I’m attractive. My friend the clergy calls me hot, and I would disagree, but I ain’t ugly.
I am funny shaped. I look more like the gerbils in the Kia commercial than Nia Long.
I have gray hair and wear partial dentures.
There is lots about me that is not “traditionally” attractive. My suggestion to you though….I would not leave your man alone with me.
I’m not in the habit of stealing other women’s men….but I am not responsible for how he reacts around me.
I tell you all of the time what it is that men want, and you dismiss me over and over because I have breasts. Yet I’m still right, and you are still single so which one of us seems to know the score?
I’ve had to learn these lessons sure. I have many more lessons to learn as well. But what I do know is that Tyler Perry and Shaunie O’Neal are gonna keep you single, so why not try SOME of the suggestions of a woman who is happy.
I know that my ‘delivery’ is not always easy to swallow. It can be cloaked in humor, or decorated with profanity. The message is this the same though and you still are not listening.
You can not get a man with the box between your thighs.
He will fuck you until the woman that satisfies ALL of him comes along and then you want to inbox me what an asshole he was for letting you waste the last 5 years of your life.
You need not pull out all of the extras for the man who isn’t going to stick around.
I told you that I’ve never had to compete. What I did not add is to a ONE, every relationship I’ve ever had, the man pursued me….up to and including The Man.
There is zero wrong with telling someone you are interested in that you are open to the opportunities…but if you have to pull out all of the bells and whistles to keep him from looking elsewhere in the BEGINNING…you are setting yourself up for heartache down the road.
He will find you interesting or he won’t. Be yourself.
Stop thinking well gee there are so many other women out there how do I catch his attention? The first step is to stop worrying about the other women.
If you are trying to get to know HIM what SHE (that competition) is irrelevant.
I met the ex, on a site where there were THOUSANDS of other women. He chose me.
The former looked past all of the available pussy in Georgia and made it his business to get my attention all the way up here in Pennsylvania.
The Man despite an awkward beginning erased any doubts I could have had that it was me He wanted, and still doesn’t let me think otherwise.
I didn’t have to do anything but me who I am. Do what I do. Be authentic to myself.
This concept that you have to make yourself stand out to be found is a bit of swampland.
There happen to be over 6 billion people on this planet. The concept that you have to go all out for one who might not have looked your way otherwise is preposterous.
No seriously it is.
Especially if you are a woman.
You don’t get to walk to the mailbox without some man offering you some dick. Yet…
You want to chase after some man who is looking past you to someone else?
Let me know how that works out for you….
There have been men (and women) in my past that I wanted. I just loved myself more than I wanted them. It turns out that we would have been horrible at a relationship and my theory proved correct once more.
I mourned those missed opportunities, like I said I wanted them. I felt pain and rejection that they didn’t want me in the same manner. Yet had I done anything extra to get or keep them…The Man would have passed me right on by.
Even the former who chose his ‘reputation’ as a Dominant man, and the word of a liar over his devoted slave I didn’t chase him to get him, nor did I chase him when he revealed who he really was. He’s still attempting to fill the void that I left, and he still won’t be successful because:
There is only one me.
What I bring to the table is nothing that any other woman can duplicate.
If I am one of a kind…and I am….what the fuck do I look like trying to compete with women who can only hope to duplicate what I’ve already done?
I’d look like a fool.
And for the record…so do the rest of you who keep trying to play that game.