Bill Gates is from Delaware and Fuck Them Both

There is something to be said for the genius of Steve Jobs…..thank you son…no really thank you.

I know that you are up in the big apple in the sky but thank you…seriously.

Once upon a time I was Apple resistant.  I thought it was strange and I thought it was weird and since it was unlike every other computer I’d ever seen I was angry that people wanted me to use anything Macintosh related.

FUCK MACINTOSH!

Then an ex gifted me a MAC mini a couple of years ago.

My point of view went from fuck Macintosh to fuck Bill Gates and the bitch that he slid out of!

What the fuck took me so long????

MAC & I have been in a committed and monogamous relationship for two years.  We were both seriously disturbed by the far too early passing of one Steve Jobs.  We both wept, but MAC decided he needed bereavement time.

I had no idea that MAC was in the union…but anyway.

Monday morning my last day of class in Human Capital Management I logged on to knock out the power point presentation, play a little farmville and perve on Fetlife.

I turned on the MAC then woke Clyde to get his breakfast going and get him settled.

After breakfast I return to the MAC to find it was off….hunh?

Well I didn’t have coffee I must have only THOUGHT that I’d turned him on.

Turned him on again and MAC said fuck your final assignment bitch my Daddy is dead! and promptly turned right the fuck back off…..grumble

With a couple of phone calls I was able to get someone to bring me a laptop and with a little adjustment I was back in the world of Microsoft…and I fucking hated it. It was ugly it was slow Internet Explorer is the devil and this laptop did not have  a side numbers panel meaning I had to revert back to typing class to type in numbers….grumble

***  on a side note I think I just realized how old I am that I was still able to take a typing class while in school ***

I got the projects done, and realized with my week of Microsoft…my fingertips belong to Steve Jobs (sorry Daddy) and they were uncomfortable doing anything else….period.

The lesson of Monday (besides stop waiting till the last fucking minute Nicole) was that I needed an alternative computer to keep the party rolling.

One consultant fee later I was enroute to the Best Buy in Delaware (home of tax free shopping) to fix what ailed me.

I would pay less getting the car share car for a couple of hours than I would in sales tax, and I would not have to take the laptop home on SEPTA waiting for someone to rob me for it.  Brilliant!

Except……

The road to Delaware is fucked up —- literally.

I95 South is the bane of my existence when attempting to travel to certain parts of the world.  I hated it on the drive down to take Crystal to FAMU…I hated it to travel to Silver Springs for educational and union purposes, I just don’t like I95 South unless I am on my way home from NYC.

It should not take 2 hours to get from my home in Philadelphia to what is essentially the state line of Delaware…but it did.   In a vehicle I can not smoke in – insert extra long stream of profanity.

I missed the exit I should have gotten off at because apparently in my non driving years 495 has altered its numbered exits, and fuckin mapquest didn’t say get off @ Namans Road.

so I am booking down 495…realizing that I’ve gone too far and decide — in all of my stubborn brilliance —- I must now go back — grumble.

I get back on the opposite way of 495 only to discover….there is apparently no motherfucking exit for Namans Road in that direction, I should have gotten off @ Philadelphia Pike, and what in the ever loving fuck of all fucks I am back in Pennsylvania again.

jesus wept.

I go BACK to Delaware….now just a little upset…or my version of a little upset as I am in the middle of PMS and some other issues that make me more cranky than I should be….and I can now NOT find 202.

The thing about Delaware that is not Philadelphia….it is the fucking country.  In the country there are no things like street lights, and the signs are obscured by shit like trees and bushes.   It is now night time in the state of Delaware…I am approaching the time I should be headed back to Philly and I have not even gotten to the fucking Best Buy yet.

jesus wept.

The man child is in the back seat starting to hummm so NOW on top of everything else to keep him from having a meltdown I have to pull out the iPod and play his playlist.   Da fuck I look like…rolling down the street in a Mazda 3 with “The Wheels on the Bus” bumping through the system?

I called a friend who lives in the sticks of this state and asked for some guidance…he was quite cool, and likely kept me from tossing Clyde out the window of the vehicle.  Or kept me from shooting the woman in the Toyota Camry in front of me that was not physically able to drive above 13 miles per hour.

Who was headed into the same mall I was…who apparently also wanted to go to Best Buy.

Once inside Best Buy I thought it would be quite simple and go something like this:

I want that laptop
Here is my money
We get back in the vehicle and get french fries

Instead it kind of turned out…

Hey all of you people in the blue shirts…yes all 30 of you….I can see that you have about 50 of the laptops that I want to get up there on that shelf bring me one and allow me to walk to the register

20 minutes later….

Clyde god bless him has unfortunately seen his momma about to lose it and quietly began to distance himself from the situation.  He may have Autism…but ain’t shit stupid about my child I need you to really understand…

Eventually a Black woman named Nikki brought the laptop to me…and as I spoke to the person on the other end of my phone….began to process me faster.  I suspect that she feared for her life.  I suspect that she was just as intelligent as my child.

We attempted to process the sale 4 times.  Every time she went to a register….there was no cash in it.  Apparently you can not process a sale without cash in the register.

Nikki did eventually get me out of the Best Buy…with no blood being shed….ignore the police reports you’ve heard please.

I did get to push the manifest on the Mazda though…and Clyde was calm with momma playing frogger on I95 North @ about 90 mph.

Bonnie didn’t kill me for running late, and all was right with the world….until

oh about an hour ago.

I installed the Blackberry Desktop and went to back up my phone.

I now have no access to my emails on my Blackberry.  The new set up of the desktop has erased my 5 email accounts from the phone and will not allow me to reconfigure them.  I spent 40 minutes on the phone with T Mobile….the only carrier besides Virgin Mobile prepaid not to be in the iPhone lottery yesterday…and they could not resolve the issue over the phone…I need to take the phone into a store.

On a day I have to write 4 term papers…because I *ahem* once again waited until the last moment to get shit done.

The Man will not be happy to hear about it, but I can delay this ass whuppin indefinitely since I can not use my phone for emailing….at least that is the lie that I tell myself.

So in conclusion

I still hate trying to go to Delaware
&
this new PC and its Windows Microsoft operating system can suck my ass…after all it used to sucking ass.

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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