One Ring to Rule Them All

When ever I get this degree of mine, I think I will take a break to study the idea of marriage. How it exists in this nation, and in others.

Why the idea is so important to so many of us with breasts.

How it has evolved over the decades to what we have today.

When monogamy became a part of the contract.

And how it applies (or doesn’t or should in BDSM)

One Ring to Rule Them All………….

The concept of the ring – the band of gold – came up the other day.

Not in a proposal type of way but the concept of marriage.

The most difficult portion of the conversation was hearing from His lips:  yes you do.

That was His response to my statement, not every woman wants a ring.

It was hard to hear Him say that – because he’s rarely been wrong about me in the time we’ve known one another and I am quite clear about what I do and do not need.

I get lots of grief from lots of folk when I get on a marriage rant – and it’s never seemed all that important to me.

So I took a glance around Fetlife and perused the profiles of couples that I KNOW are legally married.

I noticed something that I found odd that got me to thinking about things.

These are couples that I know personally – or I have direct knowledge that they have jumped the broom. 

The funny thing is – when you look to her profile without exception the link to MARRIED is displayed prominently.  When you look to his…….that is not necessarily the case.

It ran about 70/30 with the males in the marriage listing they are married but 100% with the females.

It got me to thinking again. 

Now we all know these folks are married, and I mean actually married not just calling someone wifey because they can.

It is not a secret that Master so and so is married to slave so and so – yet the male doesn’t see the NEED to list married as one of the interconnected relationships.

I could go on and on and on about how this listing relationships thing is gonna get folk killed but that is not the point today.

There is something unique to women – something that we’ve been socially conditioned over time to accept – that compels us to desire that ultimate victory.  I find that disturbing.

The Man and I have spoken about this and how it manifests in territorial activity by the female of the species, and I am wondering if  it is time to change our conditioning.

He has a theory that this is how things are supposed to be – and while I can not argue the fundamentals of that theory with Him (it is frustratingly sound) – I still think it needs to change.

I look around and see so many women – so many who desire this perfect thing that so few of us can obtain.

I want us to stop looking for the perfection that society tells us has to exist and realize what is perfect for us as women and individuals.
The idea that each and every woman is destined to meet Mr Perfect:

Wrestling joke….I could not resist

Meet Mr. Perfect – get married and live happily ever after

That idea…as long as women are behaving as we are is going to get so many women hurt that I collapse at the thought of it.

We are not handling ourselves in a manner that will get us that ‘happy ending’ and what is worse – we are teaching our daughters our same self destructive habits and dooming the NEXT generation to what we are experiencing.

And before you get to typing about how I am encouraging women to settle – No I am not.  I am encouraging women to look at a life that does not reach its peak at the moment of I Do.

There are so many OTHER things that we can do and be and experience as women – that finding a husband….any old husband to say that we are married is like crack – its whack.

No really it is.

Do we actually want to be married because society tells us that we are supposed to want to be married, or do we want to be married because this is the person we want to spend our lives with?

And if they ARE that person – the most important question is….do they want the same?

There is more to finding a relationship that fits you than loving who you are with.  If love was all that it took – the courts would be less full of cases requesting dissolution of marriage.

If me loving you was all that mattered…I would have a lot more free time on my hands rather than spending so much listening to women who are unhappy with their partners but are terrified of being alone.

If we can begin to remove ourselves from this antiquated concept that marriage is all that matters then we can begin to be happier as women.

I have so many women in my space who say:

I have this and this and this and everything else I am supposed to have now I just need a husband?
Do you really?

Do you need a husband?

I’m not talking about how it is nice to have someone around to warm the sheets at night and kill the spiders in the shower. 

I am asking are you that worthless…that the only thing that will give you worth is being Mrs So and So?

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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3 Responses to One Ring to Rule Them All

  1. MV's esclave says:

    😀

    "Why it is so important for ME to be 'validated' to a society I have essentially stepped away from when my 'validation' and more …. so much more…. exists because He chose me?"

    This is the why I am currently working through. I have realized though that this "why" has led me to deeper explorations of myself and some things that I never really resolved for myself in terms of relationships.

    Thanks as always for your thoughts.

  2. bottom bytch says:

    Hi Beautiful!

    I remember reading this when your Master wrote it. I have your blog on my blog roll and visit quite often.

    I think this is a very GOOD example of the conditioning of women – that nothing matters except the ring.

    I've known of you two for a while now, and your commitment to your Master – and his to you is obvious and evident.

    I don't doubt you when you said you were smitten at the first hug. It is that evident.

    When I read your Master's posting it reminded me of some of the things I've said over the years:

    The marriage certificate makes some things simple and some things more complicated.

    I think perhaps, at least for me, it is the tight rope walk of understanding what I have with The Man and my need for the 'rest of the world to understand it' as well.

    The rest of the world ONLY understands it when there is a marriage license and ceremony.

    When The Man said: Yes you do….He meant me as well.

    That is what I am hoping to understand better.

    Why it is so important for ME to be 'validated' to a society I have essentially stepped away from when my 'validation' and more …. so much more…. exists because He chose me.

  3. MV's esclave says:

    There is so much in this post. These are just some of my thoughts on the subject of marriage and M/s relationshps.

    Your observations on the listing of married on women's profiles as opposed to the men's is what I noticed as well.

    It was really surprising for me how important it was for me to be married to Master. I thought being collared and owned by him was enough until he decided that we would be married. A number of things became clear to me. I don't think it was the act of being married, as I have been married before, I think for me it was the fact that it made a lot of things easier for me and in some ways it validated my relationship to non-lifestyle people.

    Since my life is spent mainly around vanilla women, mentioning my relationship with Master as he being my boyfriend would often get me that look. That look that says poor girl you are wasting your time in this relationship as you aren't married. LOL It gets very tiring at times. So saying that he is my husband as opposed to my boyfriend stopped those looks from family and friends and surprisingly some women in this lifestyle.

    My Master wrote some thoughts on this subject on our blog http://houseofvoid.com/2010/11/05/thoughts-on-my-upcoming-marriage/

    MV's esclave

    P.S. even though I don't say it enough I totally enjoy reading your blog 🙂

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