I’ve always been larger than most of my friends, even if I have not always been this big of a girl.
I was looking at pics from before the man child was born and I realize that well gee I was big then too!
Being big is not the issue for me that it is for many women my size and above.
I would not change almost anything about me, I like myself just how I am.
My being comfortable at my size is disturbing to many people, and they can not understand WHY I would not wish to be another way.
I’m supposed to want to be smaller! I’m supposed to want a flatter stomach – smaller thighs – and arms that don’t wiggle and jiggle.
I don’t though.
My only female ex had spent a couple grand on JennyCraig before we met. She was tiny then, well tiny to me, she was about a size 10.
She’s not a size 10 anymore.
When we first met she said she admired my confidence, and as a bigger woman she never had the same.
I told her something back then, the more weight I gained…the more attractive I felt. As I lost weight I didn’t feel as sexy, although the world looked at me in a different way.
At a thinner size I felt awkward and could not for the life of me imagine why people wanted to be thin.
It felt un natural to me
I felt more cherished the bigger I was. I didn’t have to wonder if a man only wanted me for my body, I knew that it was me that he wanted and not someone on his arm that looked the part society said he should be with.
I don’t only wear black clothing, or solid colors. Ummm I am well over 200 pounds, a little black dress is not going to confuse anyone. I am fat and the black doesn’t disguise that I am fat, it just looks like midnight is coming early.
I am fat , but I am also shaped funny.
I have only a little tiny ass bump – huge breasts – shapely legs, but strange looking still – and a stomach flap. Flap is the only way to describe it.
I have all kinds of cellulite and rolls and I am not willing to shove myself into a tent because folk think that I should.
I talk about all of this because this body that I love so much has to change some. The doctor says that I have high cholesterol and that I am borderline diabetic. See told you I was fat. I’d been a ‘healthy’ fat chick all my life, and now I am faced with the concept that I am not healthy.
I am not at a point where I am unhealthy, yet, but without making changes, I could be my mother. I can’t be her because I have to take care of her, so I have to make some changes.
The Man god bless him just wants me healthy. I want to be healthy as well.
I won’t take shortcuts, or consider surgical options, I will have to do this the long old fashioned way. I will not like it Sam I Am.
As I embark on the plan The Man and I set into motion, I wonder if I actually can do this. I’ve been this way for so long, and there is NOTHING WRONG with how I look.
The idea of losing weight doesn’t really compute for me, not in a traditional sense.
A couple years ago I lost close to 40 pounds, which on this frame is not a lot, but I got so uncomfortable at that size, it was only when I put 20 back on that I felt normal again.
I know that I HAVE to do it….but I am not sure if I WANT to do it.