I’d Forgotten

I know someone, they are 41 years old, and they remember about 40 years of their life.

I am not that fortunate – or fortunate depending on how you view the situation.

I don’t necessarily for get things, but details are lost with me on occasion.

I recall a conversation at a diner – no longer in existence.  I recall looking across at the Ex and the general concept of what he had to say, but not the details.  Apparently the details of that conversation are important, but they elude me.

It struck me how bad my recall is as I wrote the book.  There would just be huge gaps of time that I could not explain because the details were not there.  It is how the novel went from a factual account of this life to a fictionalized version of this life.

I simply had to add detail that allowed the reader to get to the whole story.

I’d always thought that the “truth” would sell better, but I suppose at the end of the day, we will find out just how right I am.

There are things that I never forget.

Some of those things are quite painful, but I was astonished to see that some of them were quite pleasant and happy as well.  Yes I’ve been through some shit, but there was time to smile along the road.

Sometimes I forget that there is only one other person on the planet like I am, and that He has a penis.

Today was the last day for the aide who has been with us for months.

Unlike other aides who have been shown the door, this aide came back to my front door to ask me why.

Yeah, I was a little surprised at that one as well.

I was also happy to share the why though.

I explained that I am very anti social, very rigid, and that I do not like most people.   If she was under the impression that I liked her she was mistaken.  I further explained that it was not a matter of disliking her, but that the people in my life have earned a place in my life.  She would never earn a place in my life, because she had nothing to do with me.

It was not a matter of me saying it was time to make a change because I did not like her …. it was time to make a change because it was what NEEDED to be done.

This aide eclipsed Shannon as the aide with the longest time of service, but that did not mean she was the best.  That title still goes to Shannon and I still often want to shake the shit out of her for leaving the agency.

This aide though, was reliable (most of the time) Bonnie got along with her well and Bonnie hates everybody.  This aide while she had issues they were issues I overlooked for quite some time because the idea of training a new aide was just not something that I had the time and energy to accomplish, attempt, and desired.

The thing about me?  If I get the impression that you are an idiot, you will never be able to convince me otherwise, and that will damage the bond we need to have for what ever type of connection we have.

Very early on, I determined that this aide was not all that bright.

I was sure though, that in time, I could show her what needed to be done, and that I would finally have someone here to work with mom that I didn’t have to think about who was up next.

Bonnie is gangsta… but to preserve her gangsta things have to happen.  Things like her eating properly, getting her medication properly, and things like the person I leave her with as I do the things that I do to keep this house moving having the understanding that I will not continue to have the same conversation over and over again.

I simply do not have time for that type of bullshit, and I hate having to repeat myself.

Early on there were issues with my mother’s medication.

I get her pills every month, and I spend 30-45 minutes every two weeks putting the little pills in the little slots on the pill box.
Every other person on the planet could understand that Bonnie gets pills in the morning and in the evening.  The morning pills are all the same, the evening pills are all the same.

You take the pills out of the slot that I show you – and I should not have to show you more than once – and things flow smoothly.

Every day for almost three weeks this woman asked me the same fucking question….which pills do I give your mother this morning?

I explained the process – had her sit with me so that I could go over the process.  I had her sit with me again so that I could show her the individual pills, the ones that she would be giving Bonnie, so that she would be able to see in the container which pills were the correct ones.  Apparently this complicated pill pox was far too complicated for the aide:

I even went so far as to not measure out Bonnie’s pill for two weeks, and instead went one week at a time.  I assumed that the aide would understand that on Monday morning you pulled out the pills in the slot that said Monday morning.  I was mistaken.

6 months later?  The woman was still unable to decipher which pills Bonnie was supposed to take.

Bonnie’s medication is important.  When you have conditions such as: hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, and are recovering from a stroke, improper medication can cause another stroke or other health issues.

When you have the health issues that Bonnie has, you have a special diet.

For over 6 months I’ve had weekly conversations about Bonnie’s diet, what she can and can not have, the risks to her health if the diet is deviated from.

The final straw came Monday, while I was in surgery.

With every other aide it was simple, I give suggestions they make the meals for Bonnie that I suggest.

This aide was unable to grasp the concept:

Bonnie can not have regular ice cream.  First off she has a light intolerance for lactose, it is not severe, unless of course you attempt to go into the bathroom behind her after she has had a regular milk product.  When that occurs, it is virtually lethal.

Bonnie can also not have regular ice cream because of it’s sugar content.

A diabetic’s body can not regulate sugar without assistance, high sugar levels are a health risk for Bonnie.

Bonnie can not have, candy bars, processed cakes, regular soda, or other things similar without my knowing about it, so that I can monitor her blood sugar.

I am not an ogre, I do allow her sweets but they must be in moderation, they must be small portions, and they can not be at a time when her sugar levels are on the high end.

Bonnie can not have excessive amounts of bread, pasta, and other carbs, and she needs more fruits and veggies.  Hot dogs are a treat not a staple.  Grilled cheese sandwiches are a once a month treat not a three times a week regular.

It got to the point that I stopped buying cheese for the house.  The aide went to the bodega and got cheese when that happened.  The aide apparently was not able to process:  when Nicole buys the cheese she makes sure it is low in sodium and fat and cheese is dispensed sparingly.

While I was on an operating table last Monday, despite having written explicit notes about what needed to happen:  the aide for my mother’s lunch made 2 grilled cheese sandwiches, and gave her a Pepsi.

She used a 1/4 lb of cheese, 4 pieces of bread, and the soda was not diet.

I should have been LESS concerned about my not making it out of the hospital Monday, I am simply fortunate, that Bonnie didn’t stroke out as well so that we would be sharing a hospital room.

There was a mix up at the office today, and the aide was not notified she was removed from the case.

She showed up today, and reminded me why I don’t feel bad that today was her last day.

While I was out at the produce store, carrying bags I should not have been carrying because they are still too heavy for my level of healing at this stage, she was giving my mother brownies.

When the aide asked me why I explained all of these things to her and more.

Her response was – well you could have just talked to me.

No dear I could not.  I ‘ve been talking to you for months, because I was too weary to train someone else, I have no more words.


In happier news, there is something else that I have not forgotten.  I have not forgotten what this week is, and what it means.

It will mean little to you constant reader, that is at least until you read the book.

It means the world to me though, and this year I get to celebrate it in a very special way.

There has only been one year that I missed the celebration, that was in 2009.  I am fortunate that I never have to miss this celebration ever again.

I did not know all those years ago how special this week would be for me, but I am thankful that in 2011 I have a better understanding.

It’s been about 4 years since I sent an anniversary card…that is a story that will remain reserved for the book —- it will not be told here ever.

So to wrap up this post I give you Tony Toni Tone:

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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