I thought about this a little over a week ago while watching Mob Wives.
It was the final episode of the show; Drita called the ladies (I use the term loosely) together to clear the air about an issue that was recurring through the season: the ex factor.
Drita apparently married the man that Karen lived with for 7 years prior. Drita for some reason felt that it was important to ‘protect’ her reputation and explain that her and Karen were not friends, and she waited over a year after the break up before dating Lee (the man in question)
Can I get a drum roll please?……….
It turned into a fight *gasp* *shock* *surprise*
Apparently this never ending ex expiration date thing crosses color lines. I am highly disappointed.
The idea that you can not date/sex/knoodle/boogie down with a person who has done the same with a friend of yours is a plague against humanity and a virus that must be wiped out.
If you think this is just me on the soap box again, allow me to explain how I met my best friend Carla.
It was the mid 1990’s and I was working in Philadelphia Police Radio as a dispatcher. I’d been there for about 2 years when word came down, there was a new class of dispatchers coming in. And there were MEN in the class.
A civil service position like Police Radio is not the place that the best and brightest of the world come to earn a living. On occasion though, someone will stumble through who is intelligent and/or attractive and you wonder….hmmmmm how long will they stay?
I took the position because I’d bought into the concept at that time that there was little better on the planet than a ‘city job’. That came from the mentality of a mother who’d attempted to get a ‘good city job’ for decades.
Now, in 2011, there are LOTS of folk trying to get themselves a ‘good city job’. Civil Service (for the moment at least) has things like regular paychecks, rare layoffs, and dental benefits. In 2011 there are Master’s degree students trying to gain entry level ‘good city jobs’.
In the early 1990’s though I was young, and brash, and it paid well enough, but I was already itching for something different.
In the Philadelphia Police Department, as a civilian employee, I would never have the opportunity to advance. I would repeat my operator number to 300 people a night, 5 or 6 nights a week, until age 60, and then spend my days sweeping and hosing down my concrete steps and shaking my fists at kids.
Yeah….that existence was not in the cards for me.
The new class of dispatchers slowed my exit though. I wanted to see the new people.
The class came in and there were about 10 that came to my shift, the overnight shift.
Warren was in that class.
Warren was a tall, chocolate, educated, Marine (not active – but the only former Marine is a dead Marine) and bi lingual.
Warren was a catch!
To properly understand I was a 20something Black single woman, who worked over night, who only got weekends off 4 times a year, who worked in a building where the median age was 45, and the population was mostly Caucasian.
Warren was the spring in the middle of the desert.
The thing is with Warren, came Carla.
For the record they were never a couple. I would find out later that there was zero chance they would ever be a couple.
Warren was hot, Warren was there, and I was in hunting mode.
When you hunt big game, you have to be properly prepared. Part of MY preparation, was eliminate the competition.
I knew this new class of dispatchers had less than 2 weeks they’d spent with one another in training, so that was to my advantage. I knew the women that I already worked with, who was married, who was creeping, who might be interested. The existing ‘threats’ were already neutralized as far as I was concerned….what remained were the women who were in his class.
I took a gander, and decided that Carla, his classmate was my only competition. I was wrong, but I’d come to that conclusion and nothing would move me from it.
So I did what women do….I get real chummy with Carla really fast.
That is the thing about this concept that you should not get physically involved with the ex of a friend. Sometimes, those who come at you for friendship, are cock blocking.
I was blocking like Jon Runyan in his prime.
As I got to know Carla, the thing is I actually started to like her. That made things more difficult.
I felt bad that I was beginning to like this chick, and I didn’t want to, I just wanted her to not capture Warren’s attention. I knew that if she thought of me as a friend, she would never go near Warren. I did not WANT her as a friend, I just wanted her to keep the pussy to herself.
Over the weeks I spent more time with Carla than I did in pursuit of Warren, because as it turns out I’d hit the jackpot.
I’d found a smart, together, honest woman, who understood friendship and loyalty, and who could be a part of my life.
My plan was to set up crime scene tape around the dick, instead I met the woman who has been my ride or die bitch for years now.
There is a phrase: if you end up in jail, a good friend will bail you out, but your BEST friend will be sitting on the bunk next to you….
What started out as a covert activity on my part turned into a life long love affair, yes women can love one another without it turning into naked pillow fights.
Warren left Police Radio within a year. That happens with people like him, and like me. You realize what remaining in THAT position would cost your future and decide it is a check that is too big to cash, so you roll out for something less expensive to your sanity.
Warren also happened to not be interested in Black woman, he liked Hispanic women.
All that time and effort I put into neutralizing Carla and *whomp whomp* Alexandra caught his eye instead.
Me being the stubborn bitch that I was, made friends with Alex as well.
Yeah, I was not gonna watch that perfection of a man hook up with a co worker. If I didn’t get the goodies @ work NOBODY was getting the goodies @ work!
Alex turned out to be a good friend as well.
When it was apparent to young Warren that Alex was not gonna leave her boyfriend and baby daddy, OR injure the friendship she and I were building, he moved along to a different chick.
I can’t even remember her name now…but I gave up the dream of the horizontal mambo with Warren.
I didn’t like the other chick enough to even pretend like I wanted to be her friend, and I was disappointed in him that he even gave her the time of day. He was better than she deserved, and time proved that as well. They did not last.
The moral of the story is, a patient, plotting, deliberate woman with a master plan, can end up on the dick you were supposed to be squatting on, ladies as long as you hold out these antiquated views of decorum and refuse to stamp an expiration date on the dick you once had.
If you are no longer with the man attached to the dick, you can not direct where it gets wet next.
If it happens to be with someone that you call friend, you need to leave those hurt feelings in the hurt locker and drop that locker in the ocean.
Your insistence that it’s just WRONG is setting you up for the okey doke, and perhaps is keeping you from someone who could be good for you, but you can’t go there because he used to go out with Ray Ray’s cousin Keisha and the two of you are cool.
It is time to free your mind ladies.
Chances are if there is a woman out there who was just as manipulative as I was back then, she won’t give up on the possibility of dick to be your friend.
Not everyone can recognize a diamond.