The Man & I were talking about my frustration at some of the issues I have been discussing on line lately.
It turned into quite the interesting dialog about roles and what is and is not natural. Sometimes I think that The Man is an anthropologist, but I don’t want to get off track….
We were talking about men and women and “traditional roles” versus the types of people He & I are.
I know that He is exceptional, I only think that I am sometimes.
So when we get to talking about things like this I am always fascinated by his thought patterns, and what they also inspire within me. Being a Dominant male doesn’t just mean that you spank a little ass and tell someone what to do. It also means that you stimulate those around you, and make their lives a little better.
If you are willing to look at things differently even for a moment, you are learning, and learning is always better.
We spoke about the concept of “Token Resistance”:
There is a stereotype that exists that indicates that women say “no” to sex when they really mean “yes”, i.e., women engage in token resistance. It appears in movies (Gone With the Wind), soap operas, and romance novels. Muehlenhard (1988b) discussed the double standard of sexual behavior that says that, “Nice women don’t say yes”, and pointed out several disadvantages of this belief. However, she was clear that if a woman says no, the man should stop, even if he thinks she is not serious. If he does not, the result is rape. Link to the Paper
I at once, got up on my soap box and started preaching to the man that concepts like these are the results of a misogynistic society where women are not valued so men have a sense of entitlement, and that all of the resistance I got to my point of view that blaming the victim is NEVER correct, came from women. Not just one woman but a whole bunch of women.
I stood on tiptoe on my soap box and started pontificating that men no longer had to hold women down, that they’d successfully brainwashed enough of the female population that other humans with breasts would take up their cause without them saying a word.
I started to crip walk on that soapbox as I described how I would free humanity from sexism and then we would all be authentic.
Then the conversation began.
His voice was as it always is, the man just doesn’t raise his voice, he said: I don’t think that token resistence is the problem. We are simply ignoring our natural instincts.
We got into a DEEP discussion about what the planet earth would be if women were not a certain way and men were not a certain way. How without certain nurturing aspects of the female personality the would would be a bunch of men in boxers shove flags into the dirt yelling mine and nothing would ever progress.
We talked about what would happen if the world were only female and the chaos that would cause because not all women are hunter gatherers and some things would just not get done.
Then we talked about the two of us.
As I started to reassemble my soapbox, I explained how different the two of us were from everyone else that we know. How so few people understand what makes us tick, and that we were just abnormal.
Then he said: but look at the life that you CHOSE. Not the one that you always thought you wanted, look at the life you CHOSE.
I’m still building my soapbox, after all we are entering WalMart! What better place to begin the conversion!
We looked at the people around us, and we talked and shopped. We explored my life choices.
I am a woman who says be a WOMAN. Don’t be a woman pretending to be a man, be a woman in all of your splendor. Women RAWK! Yet I chose to lead a different life than my mindset and soapbox tell others to live.
I chose to abandon my political career to have a child. I chose to abandon my position in CTU to nurture my child. I chose to not explore career option number 14 and a new life in Nevada to care for my mother. I chose instead of finding a man who would call me his partner and his equal, to choose a man who is only willing to be an owner, not a partner.
At each moment that it mattered rather than embracing my inner Gloria Steinam, I awaked my inner June Cleaver.
When he asked my why I made those decisions, I said well it was because of you Daddy. He corrected me at once. He reminded me of other paths that I could have chosen at times that He was not present.
You took this path because it is natural for YOU. And he was right.
While my feminist sisters of the 1970’s would burn me at the stake for heracy, I still consider myself a feminist.
I am still present when women are objectified — even if I love it when I am on the receiving end of objectification from Him.
I am still present when inequality exists —- yet I specifically chose a relationship where there will NEVER be equality.
I am a paradox. And the cool thing? He loves me for it.
Eventually we got back to the topic that had caused me such angst. And He reminded me why I love Him so…..let it go they are idiots.
I spent two days and few thousand words trying to say what He said in 6. It’s gotta make you smile….it really does.
It is these times that remind me just how fortunate I am, and that there may not be anyone else on the planet who gets me in the way that He does. I can’t let that go.
Even if he does keep talking about toothbrushes. But that is another blog for another time.