One of the biggest issues with the ex and I was his inability to communicate things that I thought were relevant to the relationship.
I’ll let that swirl for a moment.
A big mistake that I made when he came along was that I was so invested in what I was feeling that I didn’t do any of the work that it takes to maintain what I was feeling and that starts with communication.
I am a big fan of letting things evolve as they are meant to evolve, I caution folk all the time about trying on your wedding dress after you’ve made reservations for your first date. That doesn’t mean though that you don’t ask questions.
I could have saved us both a lot of time had I asked questions back then.
The ex had a habit of simply not sharing things that I thought were important. He didn’t think they were I did and when it was clear that we were in different places it caused friction.
I’ve gotten better about gathering information, but I am not that pushy with my questions these days. I have a friend who gathers lots and lots of information, its a little much for me, but it is what she needs. Even if she doesn’t plan on being intimate with the man he must still pony up the details as if he had a shot at the cooch. Who am I to tell her that she’s doing too much? Apparently she isn’t because the men comply, and she needs the info.
I have another friend who gathers info but in not as upfront manner. She will lie about why she wants the information. This friend and I have a history, and I know her well. I will never give up on her I love her too much, but I do not understand why she felt the need to use her moves on me.
First it is not like I don’t see it coming. After all I taught her some of those moves. Second by now she should know that she doesn’t have to lie to me. Yet she did.
I am a tad bit – okay well a whole lot – offended that she thought I would not see through the smoke screen, but I will let her have that. The alternative means bringing up ancient history and ripping scabs off wounds, and possibly hurting her in the process.
First do no harm.
I even understand WHY she wanted to know. When she begins to doubt her decisions it is important to check around to see who else has chips in the foundation.
My foundation is not done, I am like an infant in many ways with what I am building. I am building it strong though. It will withstand anything once it’s completed.
I’m sorry that you are unhappy with the choices you made – but you don’t have to toss shade at me to feel better. You can make better choices. Your happiness does not rest in my hands it is all yours.