I was having a conversation with the man and something clicked in the conversation that I’d been missing for quite some time.
We are different.
Yes I will accept my genius award now, and I will be thanking the fans and the academy, maybe even jesus if I am feeling froggy.
The man and I belong to a handful of mutual social networking sites. Some are popular some are obscure but they all serve the same purpose for us both, even if that purpose is vastly different.
It reminds me of when the two of us met. It was through a more primitive version of social networking, but the concept was the same for both of us.
I was looking for long walks in the park and hand holding and a shoulder to lean on and someone that I could bring home to momma and go SEE! they aren’t ALL losers!
He was looking for sex.
A funny thing happened on the way to the bedroom though….we clicked.
He is not ignorant to the idea that men and women need different things, I was unaware then though, and apparently still have some clueless moments.
A patient man understands that many women need a level of what we have been taught is familiar and proper before we take it doggy style. He understands that many women need a certain social progression before she will let you pull her hair and smack her ass.
That right there is why men and women need to talk more.
Sometimes a man will walk through all of the paces to get the booty but since it was just the booty that they wanted in the first place, well then things fall apart.
Then women start tossing names like predator, player and dog, for a man who has shown you who and what he is from the beginning.
Women in Western society are taught that a man who is interested in you will behave in a specific manner. He will hold open your car door, and buy you flowers and wait for 90 days. *eye roll*
What we do NOT teach our girls is that a man who only wants sex will do those exact same things, and it is unfair to call him a name when he bounces….you should have been paying more attention.
I got lucky with the man. He was not closed to the concept of something more than catching a nutt, and met enough of the criteria to be ‘considered’ for something more. Looking back I am not sure that it was his original intention to like me the way that he did, but then again, you’ve never met anyone like me.
Our conversation though was about the use of our various mutual social networks. The man doesn’t hang out in the places I frequent the most Fetlife and Facebook. The man does not tweet. When we talked about his Fet absence he said it’d gotten to be too much like Facebook. He is not incorrect but the logic of it still escaped me. I mentioned the site I call the meat market, he visits there quite often. In fact our latest what ever you want to call what the two of us are doing would not have happened WITHOUT the meat market. How can you hang out there I ask? Sex.
Now my reaction to that line of thought is a whole OTHER blog, but it made something click for me that I’d been missing.
As evolved as I like to think that I am, and as manly as I tell the world I think, I am still a girl. I still act like a girl. Now I am a girl that is unashamed, but I am still a girl. He is still a man.
Some of our earliest fights way back then were because although the two of us were a couple, he still remained on that primitive social network. Boy was I a bitch about that. But then again I thought that couple = monogamous back then, today that is not an automatic assumption. It never dawned on me that a man could want to be with me and still be open to sex with someone who is not me.
During one of our off periods I would eventually figure it out, but until I did, it made life interesting.
What happens though when you meet a patient man, who is looking for sex, and is willing to walk the paces to get it? How as a woman do you figure out if he is the real deal or just waiting for the opportunity to smash?
There are always clues if you pay attention, but you have to be willing to notice and not just accept the routine as the sign. You have to communicate with the other party, sometimes asking the same question in 100 different ways.
A friend met one of those patient men once and it broke her heart in 1000 pieces. She was sure that he was different because he said all of the right things. And different he was, just too different from her philosophy of relationships to make it actually work out.
He never lied to her about his intentions, he just did not explain in detail what those intentions were. He did not deceive her about the woman he thought she was, he meant every word he shared with her, he just left our the part that there was another woman on the edge who he may or may not be ready to settle down with, or at least as much as he was capable of settling down.
She has since moved on, he has since moved on. The fact that they met and clicked is still a cautionary tale though.
Men and women think differently. If you are of a certain age I can say Venus & Mars and you will give me a head nod.
So the next time you are on your social network and some random guy goes hey would you like to see my penis?…..don’t hit the roof. Now in a semi separate matter men stop it with the dick shots. Do you understand just how MANY of you can not run for political office because I have your pic in my Blackberry?
The next time you are on your social network and a random woman you say hello to says she is not looking for someone special, please don’t lace up your Nike’s so tightly there is no need to run.
Men I need you to understand that it is okay to say I want to smash it. More women than you realize will say sure!
Women I need you to stop treating every first meet/date/conversation like marriage is the goal.
Back then I certainly gave off the gee I want a white dress and bouquet vibe hard. Thankfully someone was able to look past my conditioning until I came to my senses on my own.