It will be 6pm in about 5 hours for me, I figure if the world ends only a handful of you will see this, if it does not I can delete this 😉

Were my life to end today I know that I will not have done everything that I wanted to do, but I will have done a lot.

Were my life to end today…..

I would hope that people know that I loved them with all of my heart – body and soul.  Crystal my sister, my lost one.  My heart still cries for her because I have not yet accepted that that door is closed.

My mom.  Our history is so damned ugly, and the past few years have been challenging.  I want to say mom look I COULD do it, but that jury is still out.  I did not make the decision to stay out of guilt or out of pity I did it not out of responsibility I did it because of love.  Like you momma I show it in rally funky ways, but it was done out of love.  I’ve dropped the ball a few times but it has been love that allowed me to pick it back up and run with it.  It is love now that let’s me listen to you watching and laughing at Hanna Montana and not calling the people on you.  It will be love & fortune that gets us over this hump.  That is if we make it to 6:01.

Daddy.  Had I the imagination to create the perfect man for me I still would not have been able to create one as whole and perfect as you.  Perfect you may not me, but I can never say that you are not perfect FOR ME.  I would not trade the laughter nor the tears nor anything else that we have been through.  You complete me.  I get all silly girl mushy most of the time when I think about how lucky I am, and multiple times in the day I thank the universe for your presence. I can’t imagine that there will ever come a time that I would say no…..no does not exist for you.  It is the most frightening thing in the world but it is what it is.  You provide for me that perfect place that most people never get to see, mos people never get to experience.  I can only hope that I give you a little of that as well.  Thank you for believing when I no longer had the capacity to believe, and loving when I doubted it still existed in the world.  Our story is incomplete….which is how I know we are making it to 6:01, we’ve got some stuff to do.  Besides *inside joke* I’m not having THAT talk with St Peter.

My child.

Up there ^^^^ I said a lot but here is where I live.  With you for you about you.  I watched you this morning go off on the scooter, and my heart beat with love and pride.  I watch you sleep and I know that there is nothing that your mother would not do for you.  I watch you have a melt down and I want to kill the world for offending your senses and then I pull you into arms that you don’t quite fit into any longer to let you know that everything will be just fine.

I will never leave you and no one will love you more or protect you better, and how you saved my life is no small thing….not at all my love.  It’s you little guy, it’s always been you. I’ve dropped your ball once or twice as well, but you love me anyway which just proves that all of my karma can’t be bad.  If the zombie apocalypse happens momma has a machete and you have those terribly long legs.