If you woke up surrounded by doctors who told you that you’d been in a medical experiment since birth and that your entire life had been a dream, how do you think you’d react?
This was the question that found me when I logged into livejournal tonight…I told you I write a lot.
I think that I would kill everybody in the fucking room, I really do.
When the book comes out you will understand better but some of the shit that I have lived through no one should have that done to them as an experiment.
My after killing everyone in the room I would look for my son, and look for my Master.
They are the two people I would find it hard to live without and if they were also a dream, I suspect that I might just go insane.
Living without Master is not something I allow myself to think of any longer. The process to get there was much swifter than I thought it would be yet here I stand. To no longer have him in my life would collapse me to the point that I don’t know what I would do.
Well I do know, I would get in front of the altar, but the pain that would come from that loss is not something that I am willing to imagine, at all.
My son goes even deeper. A world that existed without him is not a world I want to live in. Where I could not see his face, hear his laugh, or tell him to go to his room, I know I could not do that. I would collapse before I could make it to the altar for that one.
My boy invents ways to make me question my sanity and look for the candid camera but lord do I love him.
He is so beautiful and so amazing that I worry, what if the universe made a mistake and it was supposed to be a different child. After all this kid does not watch football!
A mother’s love for her son is something that eludes even my words, and I have lots of them.
I have a favorite picture of the two of us that I contemplated sharing but I won’t because of the number of adult sites this blog ends up at, it is precious though, if you are my friend on Facebook you have seen it.
As much as slave loves Master, mommy loves the boy more.
The beautiful thing about my life today, is that I do not have to make that choice. Yes I am touched by fortune ladies and gentlemen.
If someone told me that my life with the boy was a dream, I see exactly how the person who dare say that would cease to breathe.
I was meant to love the man that I love. I was meant to be the mother to Clyde.
Anything else is too cruel for words, so on that note I will entertain this notion no longer.
I would like my time at St Athanasius to be a dream though…that really sucked monkey balls. The rest of it I want to keep.