I thank my friend for inspiring this topic, otherwise you would have to hear about pop culture and not sex. She is helping me protect my reputation.
Webster’s Online defines sadism as:
Definition of SADISM
: a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object) — compare masochism
a: delight in cruelty b: excessive cruelty
— sa·dist\ˈsā-dist, ˈsa-\noun
— sa·dis·tic\sə-ˈdis-tik also sā- or sa-\adjective
Of course the definition says refer to masochism…. but er ummmmm no we will not be doing that tonight.
My friend and I discussed what is sadism? The initial reaction for most is someone who likes to inflict pain on another. An example could be a certain dominant who shall remain nameless who posted a video on Fetlife of him …. beating his submissives ….. with a shovel. And a boat oar.
As I was saying some would look at that video and say that is sadism. I suppose it could be technically true, but then again…it goes deeper.
In theory if he gets enjoyment from that activity he could be called a sadist. I ask though…is that all that a sadist is? Is a sadist the one with the biggest mouth, the biggest paddle, and who plays with a bottom with a hard ass (and possibly head?)?
These last few days I have been in a terribly sadistic mood myself. No submissives were physically harmed in the making of that mood. No Dominants either and they were the targets of most of my sadistic inflictions.
I also didn’t have to pull out any of the hardware. With one it was a simple sentence in an email – with another it was a moment of silence in what was otherwise a lively conversation.
It made BOTH of them uncomfortable — and it made me smile. Is that not also sadism? Or is that to intellectual for you?
I joke that I am not a masochist (fuck I am talking about it) – because I don’t make it a habit of bending over so that someone can hit me with a shovel. In my neck of the woods if you come at me with a shovel you are telling me that you are ready to be buried and I am happy to help you meet which ever god you choose to pray to as you travel towards the light CarolAnn.
I am also the same masochist who will hop on a table for a violet wand or in front of a leather belt if it is being swung. A shovel or a boat oar? GTFOHWTBS
The sadist that tortures me (and the ones that I visit for torture) understand that a heavy hand is an asset – but that they can also reduce me to tears if they threaten to locate some of my earlier television appearances. The sadist that tortures me understands which paddle I hate the most and is just as likely to use that as he is to have me walk into a 7-11 with no underwear on and have me purchase items off the bottom shelf of the whole store.
My discomfort is pleasing…and expressing my discomfort is a sure fire way to have what ever the activity is pushed to the top of the must see TV list.
He understands that I will not tell him no, but he enjoys watching me whimper. It could be from attaching a leash to my collar…..or making me cum for 45 minutes straight without pause.
Is it really necessary to have the biggest and prettiest toys? Or is it more important to have the intellectual ability to study your prey and attack their vulnerability?
Which gets a ‘true’ sadists blood pumping faster? Beating a submissive who has acquired super human tolerance from the bottom of a pill of Tylenol4? Or walking into Monk’s house, dropping a bubble gum wrapper and watching him frantically scrub the room from floor to ceiling? I suppose the answer to THAT question depends on what type of sadist you are.
Just like there are those who would stand in line and pay money for a whack on the ass from the artist formerly known as The Stern Hand….there are others (who may or may not be me) who are making a career out of being able to elude that spanking bench.
You have to find the lid for your pot.
You have to look at the inflictor and ask yourself are they just showing off? Or is this something that is real for them?
The answer will be different more often than it will be the same.
If you get a paper cut and want to run to the emergency room, then you may want to choose someone on the mental side of sadism rather than the shovel man.
Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.