It’s a skill that is not worth a lot – I am however fluent in it.
You can tell when there is something that I don’t want to do I have specific habits that I fall into when those things pop up into my existence.
You can tell when there is something that I don’t want to talk about because I will covertly change the subject. I used to think that I was very good at it, I realize now, yes I am good, but those I am talking to still know and don’t always call me on it.
The habit you will find here is that I will drift away from the sex and the violence. It’s not always because there is something bad going on – in fact most of the time it will be quite the opposite.
I will be having the time of my life, but I will not be able to talk about it.
How am I doing a blog about being a slave and not talking about slave stuff you ask? There is more than meets the eye to me.
Constant reader please trust in me when I say there is nothing more that I would like that to pour my heart out right here. The anxiety – the worry it’s a bit overwhelming today – but tomorrow should be better. Some people run away from the danger some run to it. I am a little but of both and HE well HE is something the lord made is all that I can say.
I always worry about him even doing something as simple as a trip to the grocery store. Trust me, with us? It’s not just an errand it is an adventure. Things tend to happen that would not happen to most people.
I get that he is doing what he must, how he must, and I get the why but I still ask why….sort of …. I don’t say it out loud very much because there is little point.
I know someone who will understand this better than most of you: I just want him home. Not necessarily here in the house although that would be hot too, but not where he is. It seems so far away although it is not in the scheme of things. It’s a plane ride, and those things are commonplace in 2011, it is after all not 1911.
But a plane ride is not here.
I can not change anything – and in many ways I would not – but it doesn’t make this simpler. Every day I wake up and go HOORAY! you made it through the first week! And I have to keep reminding myself it hasn’t been a week yet silly! It’s been just a couple days that feel like months.
It’s not even like 1971 where you would just play phone tag and one of you would be 2 hours ahead of the other. The cellular infrastructure gets service just about everywhere and there are web cams and IM. These days you can stay so connected it’s like the other person isn’t even a time zone away. Except you KNOW that they are and that is most evident in the middle of the night.
I know HE’S okay and I know he will be home in days but I still worry. It’s who I am – it’s what I do.