Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

This was not a simple choice to make…..lots of people are on my mind at any given moment.  So instead of picking one person, I chose a ‘group’:

Women unhappy with their current status and relationships.

I used to talk about this a lot on Fetlife, and I still have opinions (gee whiz there is a shock!) but my Fetlife presence is dramatically reduced.  I need to talk…just not necessarily to the people I used to talk to.

I am a woman who has made some poor choices in her past, and there is still a chance that there are poor choices ahead of me.  Perfection is not my middle name.

I like to think that I ‘own’ my choices, that I am woman enough to say – fuck I picked him/her so be it.

I like to think that I don’t have a scorched earth policy when it comes to discussion of my exes but that may not be totally true.

Regardless, I am going to write this anyhow, because well it needs to be written.

I get people.  I get people more than most.  I see things that some never see.  I am right more than I am not.

It’s not as much fun as one would think.

The things about Fetlife is that it is an online ‘community’ filled with all of the people you would find in real time, only you have access to them in ways you may not in the workplace or in the line at the Piggly Wiggly.

Some look at the Internet, and do not realize that EVERYTHING YOU DO IS BEING RECORDED.  See my post about my ass and Google.  Some use the Internet to be the courage they do not have face to face.  Some use the Internet as a dating site. Etc etc etc.

What tends to bother me about women, on the Internet, in general?  We don’t own our own shit.

It seems that every where you turn these days there are horrible Dominants out there abusing innocent submissives and we should all BOLO (be on the lookout).

What I see?  Women like me who have made bad decisions  but find it simpler to blame anyone but themselves.

I see women making choices that their common sense TELLS them is wrong for them, yet for fear of being alone make those decisions anyhow.

It will eventually blow up in your face, how you handle that blow up makes the difference.

I understand the feeling that everyone else in the world has a partner but you!

Trust me I understand it.  I hated it just as much as anyone.  It even led ME to make poor choices, but I accept that I made those choices.  No one held a gun to my head and said SERVE!  I said that I would. I paid the price.  If it got too be too expensive I paid the tab and rolled out, but I chose the restaurant.

Did I want sympathy for my bruised ego?  Hell Yeah!  But I like to think that I chose a different route to get there.

We don’t take enough time to vett, we do not take enough time to court.  We look at a D/s relationship as the cure all….and all it really does if your shit is not tight is make what is fucked up more glaring and a bigger issue.

We choose someone who is poly, knowing that we want something different, and when the man does what he does, we act in ways to try to change HIM.  It is ourselves we should be changing.

In my current condition this is tough for me to speak about, but it is true no matter what my condition is.

We need to make better choices…we really do.  Even me at times.  I only wish that I knew how to make it happen for all of us right now.

I would much rather have nothing to write about than to write about this.

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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