In this thing that I do, there are ways to refer to the one to whom you belong. They are universal and with a spelling adjustment (sometimes) they are used for both sexes.
I had a conversation with a friend the other day, and she was reminding me of some shit that was not tight on MY part, and she chastised me for identifying as a slave…when I did not appear on the surface to be all in.
It got me to thinking …. what constitues slavery for ME and what does the outside world see it as?
A thread on Fetlife got me to thinking even harder about the concept, the topic? Can a Master rape his slave?
In my kinky ‘community’ there are bottoms and submissives and slaves. Each got to that identity in their own fashion.
For me personally, in service I don’t identify as anything but HIS. I can be called bottom, submissive, slave or betty crocker, as long as I am serving his needs? I really don’t give a shit what he calls me, I just want him to call me early and often.
That has led me in the past to identify as a bottom, as a submissive, as a slave as I do today.
Am I a slave? I think if you look at my outlook on service you could say that. It is a mindset more than anything else. It’s been called internal enslavement, for my money I call it well I don’t call it anything. But there are lots of theories about internal enslavement:
The Enslavement Hypothesis is that there are submissives who have an overwhelming need to be owned by a dominant. Given the right environment, the submissive can be coaxed out from behind the protective walls she has built during her life and made to expose all of her Self to her master. Among other things this requires that he creates an environment which is emotionally safe and in which her underlying character will be accepted, probably for the first time in her life. During this process, the bond between the submissive and her master becomes sufficiently strong that she can no longer break it herself, and she has then been enslaved.
From: IE: Internal Enslavement FAQ
*disclaimer* I have not read all that the site has to offer, I just stumbled on this paragraph and it fit what I needed to say so I borrowed. I do not endorse any of the information on this site, and urge anyone considering this type of relationship to see other educational sources besides this one*
There is a saying that most of you will know: If you love someone set them free if they return to you it was meant to be.
There is a different saying in my kinky world: There is freedom in chains.
The process for me is about loving and trusting someone enough that I would be willing to turn over 100% authority of my life to them. It is as much about my desire to turnover that authority as it is a compulsion within me to turn it over to that specific someone. It is the last 50/50 odds that I see in these types of relationships.
Before I got on Fetlife, I’d heard the term ‘slave’ but ignored it.
It brought to mind to me 1812 cotton fields and massa. I wanted no parts of it!
After Fetlife, and reading some of the things I did in the Masters/slave groups I really wanted no parts of it! Some of the things I was reading terrified me! Like can a Master rape his slave. The obvious answer is yes he can! The less obvious answer was to be found along my journey.
As I kept digging and kept reading and started interacting in real time with real people, not just internet avatars, I realized that most slaves were not the Stepford Wives I was seeing on Fetlife, and it gave me the opportunity to explore this side of me more.
Then I eventually met Reginald.
I did not begin my relationship with him identifying as ‘slave’ – but one of his first questions as we began to talk about theory and expectations was: are you sure you are not a slave?
My mental answer to that was: are you sure you’re not gay? (right…you know who you are so if you say who you are then you are who you are right?) My physical was yes I am sure I am not a slave.
But by my birthday the shift had been made for me mentally.
I woke one morning with the clear and perfect understanding that to this man, I was a slave. It was what he needed therefore it was what I was.
In my separation from him, I needed to know do I hang up the slave registry or will it still be necessary at some point in the future?
I knew that although I was not identifying as a slave in the months after our separation, that I could serve as a slave again. So I never did delete the account, and I still remain in the slave registry.
I knew through that relationship that I needed the tight control, I needed the ability to run from who I am ‘taken away from me’, that I needed the comfort that the role of slave provided me.
I knew that one day I would seek it out again and that I would again serve in THAT way.
And then one day I did.
It’s why that conversation with my friend stung so much. The appearance of all in to some people should not have an impact on the life that I actually live.
On the surface to someone outside looking in it can appear that I am saying you can have everything BUT that, and that does not a slave make!
But my journey is different than anyone else’s.
I do not see it as holding anything back, I see it as part of the process. Rome was not built in a day, foundations to relationships are not built in a day.
Who we will eventually be if we continue this path, has no bearing on who we are today on this path. Some things will take longer than others to learn – or unlearn in some cases, and it is up to each individual in the relationship to do the work so that progress is made.
Does that mean that while you are doing the work, you are any less owned? I suppose to some it does and to some it does not, and I also suppose that I don’t really give a shit what someone else may think about how I choose to travel this path.
They can not come along on this ride, so I need to leave the opinions at home.
I was asked today what has been the most difficult part of this journey for me.
My answer? Acceptance. In its various levels, and forms, and conditions.
I actually did give a more detailed response, but at the end of the day it boils down to acceptance.
Hmmmm, I wrote about that yesterday.
Seems as though I have some more contemplating to do.