I wasn’t sure if I should take this literally, but I will figure it out as I go along I suppose:
When I was a little girl I dreamt like many do of Prince Charming. He hasn’t quite manifested in the manner I thought he would, none the less, I am not at all unhappy with what was behind door number two.
I thought of myself as a wife and mother and baking cookies.
I figure it was because I had NOTHING in my childhood that resembled that so that is what I wanted for myself when I was all grown up.
Now either I am not grown, or the dreams were not the right ones for me.
Yes I stay at home now, but it is because someone needs to care for Bonnie & Clyde, and since I am the only option available, then….
In my 20s I saw myself in Brooklyn, commuting into Manhattan every day. Because even at 21 I realized….only the rich live in Manhattan and rent control was not going to last forever.
At 30 I dreamed of the man who would adopt my son, since my decision in who his father would be was poor.
I never held the illusion that Mario and I would be one big happy family. Honestly? I didn’t really LIKE him all that much, he was just very good in bed, at a time the pickings were slim and I was recovering from break up #1.
I never meant to keep him around, and I certainly never meant to get pregnant, but this was the design of the universe for me so it is what it is.
I have no real dreams right now, and if I allowed myself to dwell on it I would be sad.
I have Vizionz…but no real dreams.
I know where I want to be in 5 years, and I suppose that you could call that a dream..but it’s more of a plan for me than anything else.
The boy dreams.
In the way that only a child can, with laughter that comes from his toes, and a smile.
That is the benefit of 10 though that is not always around at 38.
I think I would like to dream again.
Not just the occasional nightmare that I have about someone breaking up this family. Or the occasional wet dreams that I have.
I would like to just dream. Every night have a visit in living color.
I also want to dream about a future.
I do not allow myself to, history has taught me that lesson, but I want it none the less.
To see where 10 years takes us and to see if he is still the same.
Not meeting him again and finding out HOW he has changed, but being there to see them for a change.
I don’t know if it is possible…but I do know that I want it.