One of the challenges in training a ‘virgin’ is that there are many things that we take for granted, terminology, ways of thought, that are lost to the person who just stumbles into this thing we do by accident.
Today in my session with the trainee, I found myself attempting to explain the ‘difference’ in submission and obedience.
The concept came up as we discussed one of her assignments, at which point she asked me: What if you do not do it? My response led her to ask but I thought you were a submissive.
I found myself needing to stop and reflect before answering. There are people in my life that I can just say, because I said so, and that is that. This is not one of those cases. I needed to have a discussion that I did not necessarily WANT to have, because the answer could mean the difference in her not just staying in this life or leaving it, but it could also matter in who she eventually serves.
I also found myself having to say something other than each case is different (even though it is).
It touched on a stingy subject for me, the submissive/slave argument, but we delved regardless.
As a result of that discussion this morning I found myself asking was submission different than obedience, and was that what made my acceptance of the role of a slave simpler, for someone who finds most things un-simple.
The conclusion that I came to: for me at least: is that while my obedience is a factor in submission, I can still obey without submitting.
Well gee wasn’t that an interesting thing to learn about myself.
I know people who the role of slave is something they crave like oxygen, and others who serve in that role and refuse to identify as such.
I have identified as both, and a whole bunch of other things too.
My current ID as slave, was not a choice. Kind of bucks against the SSC argument, but it was still not a choice. To be in this place at this time, the role of slave was the only one that I could have. Period.
My role as slave I would gather is not recognizable to the purists out there, yet it is my role.
My duties, my protocols, my rituals, again to others it raises eyebrows.
Even my choice to accept this role in this manner is confusing to some.
The difference for me right now? Obedience vs Submission.
Yes because I obey, there are elements of submission involved, but there are things about this incarnation that are not submissive at all. If you had access to my private journal you would likely chuckle. My obedience however is not in question.
Were you to record a typical day – or register some facial expressions, one may question or could question how much of this I am ‘submitting’ to, but the fact that the obligation is met is proof of my obedience.
Right now it is not a matter of me surrendering my will to his, it is a matter of getting things done. Does this make me less of a slave? Only if you define it as something as obedience without question….I suppose.
The trainee said: But I thought that this whole thing was that I would eventually turn my way of thinking to his!
At which point I asked do you need to agree to obey? Do you need to co-sign to DO?
She said yes.
There was a I time that I would have said yes also. That time is not today though. It could be tomorrow, but the likelihood of that is quite slim.
The choices that we make when we serve are not always simple ones….sometimes they are outright difficult. Sometimes they are costly….and that is where the rubber meets the road.
That is where vetting, and trust, and instinct, and experience and all the other intangibles roll in.
You have to ask yourself, do you know YOURSELF well enough to understand what this really means in the big picture?
That is where every answer is different for every person.
Your family may not understand, your friends may not understand, your community may not understand but is this the right thing for YOU?
When you answer that question and truthfully? The decision to obey, and in some ways by default, is a simple one.
Even for someone like me – where things are rarely simple.
The response of the trainee was: I don’t think I like this.
My response? Does it matter?